tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77970023082661088282024-03-12T15:59:21.222-07:00LOVE. everyday.a space for my intellectual thoughts and any other thoughts, the things i am learning and writing, credit to all those around me who are shaping me in ways they do not even know. favorite music, artists and quotes mixed into each post. thrilling travel tales and other ramblings... I have a journal to stare at my thoughts on paper. I have a blog to receive feedback- no matter what that is. So, leave your thoughts. These are a few of mine.Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.comBlogger116125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-45363913963952906252012-10-12T14:24:00.001-07:002012-10-12T14:28:14.405-07:00i'll let your ride be freeSomewhere deep within me, I knew it was only a matter of months before a post appeared on this blog again. My old readers are probably not those who are reading this, but this post has been slowly forming over years and I finally feel that I have enough of a grasp to put it into published words to share with the great expanse of no one and everyone simultaneously on the internet.<br />
Perhaps you should read <a href="http://stephanieebr.blogspot.com/2011/02/does-it-ever-go-away-no-it-changes.html">THIS</a> first.<br />
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People watching has always been a favorite pastime. Perhaps its one of the reasons why I love travel so much. Its amazing what you can quickly get from an interaction with a stranger. You can pick up from the way they position themselves, the things they say, the framing of their sentences, the crooked line in their smile, slight darkness in their eyes that there's more than what you know. Sometimes you don't catch any such glimpse in a stranger at all. The Kroger cashier says, "Hey, how are you?" and you politely respond with some platitude, "fine, thanks, how are you?" and then the same statement is repeated back to you. At this point, generally some comment about one of the products being rolled over the scanner is made, method of payment is discussed, occasionally the weather or another nonsense topic is raised in the interest of making small talk and presuming dead silence as unacceptable awkwardness. These bull shit conversations used to drive me crazy with strangers. But the real truth is, how frequently do we have these same conversations with the people we are supposed to be confiding in, trusting, and sharing the deepest things with?<br />
Rather frequently, wouldn't you agree?<br />
And isn't it a pity. There is a well-circulated pin posted above that says, "be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I've been chewing on this concept lately. Just starting law school in a state completely across the country, and around the globe from where I spent the last year building connections has attracted new light on the beauty and obstacles presented by young friendships. You avoid religion, politics, ex-boyfriends, hot-topic issues because you don't know their background. You say something that in your frame of reference is totally relevant or appropriate, but in their world, it is interpreted as the exact opposite. Exaggerated words are taken at face value and repeated. Young friendships are built off series of interactions walking a tight rope of "here's a small insight into me" and "i want insight into you" but too often, both slip by.<br />
What is even more frightening is the likelihood that friendships formed on surface nonsense can seem like the real deal and can be rewarding, even lasting for years. <br />
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On the opposite side of the spectrum, when you have a friend that is experiencing all kinds of trials, you can be so close to that person, you can empathize with them so deeply that on some level you are experiencing it as well. As referred to in one of the most vulnerable posts on this blog, I have a fundamental issue with life struggles and the lack of ability to guide someone through a same or similar circumstance as one that I myself hobbled along. This week in particular, I was given an opportunity to attempt to be the friend I needed in that time. It was such a strange sensation to sit and think of what I wanted and needed at that time. It's amazing what you let yourself forget. As I tried to reconstruct fragile memories of wondering what the result of one of Mom's surgeries would be, I was reminded of the CDs I played while walking through the hospital hallways, of the smile cemented to my face that I didn't even recognize when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I thought about the constant admonitions of "I'm praying for you" and "God is good and He is going to get you through this" and how my gut reaction to each one made my stomach churn as I grasped onto each word but swallowed it down with doubt and anger.<br />
I've thought so many times that <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">"I want bones like iron, blood like mercury so I can tell you when I'm rising and when I'm sinking in"</span> as so eloquently described by Dispatch. But life isn't like that. You can wear your story on your sleeve, you can sigh heavier throughout your day, your confusion can be visible, or your jaw can be crooked into a smile even you do not recognize yet all go unnoticed. So luckily, you can only worry about being open and honest enough about your own experiences to share them and hope that another will benefit. You can only be concerned with having listening ears and sensitivity to the needs of those around you.<br />
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The point I am desperately and poorly trying to make is this: you just never know what battle someone that you are interacting with is facing. At any given moment, that interaction could make a huge difference or none at all.<br />
The emotional energy that you invest in someone else or something else may never be fully appreciated. And that is a shame. But in my experience, as it drains you to fill someone else, in the end, you are filled when they feel restored and you were a contributing factor to that restoration.<br />
I am confident the emptiness that comes from the emotional investment initially, will ALWAYS be rewarded.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"><b>So, GO invest in someone.</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"><b>Invest in everyone. </b></span><br />
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"Well, I got a bad disease. </div>
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Right from my brain is where I bleed. </div>
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Today, love smiled on me. </div>
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It took away my pain</div>
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Say, please, I'll let your ride be free.</div>
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You gotta let it be.</div>
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It's bitter baby</div>
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but its very sweet.</div>
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I'm on a roller coaster but I'm on my feet.</div>
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Take me to your river, let me on your shore. </div>
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I'll be coming back, baby, I'll be coming back for more. </div>
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I could not forget but I won't endeavor. </div>
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Said my pleasure, I won't regret it never.</div>
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Where I go, I just don't know.</div>
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I got to, got to take it slow.</div>
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When I find my peace of mind, well, I'm gonna give you some of my good time."</div>
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-Red Hot Chili Peppers, Soul to Squeeze</div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-74324205843879088972012-06-12T14:56:00.000-07:002012-06-12T14:56:29.094-07:00journey<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px;">
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Source: <a href="http://muchlove-anna.blogspot.com/2011/05/this-is-change.html" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">muchlove-anna.blogspot.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/stephanieebr/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Stephanie</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">well, i knew what i didn't want to know</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">and i saw where i didn't want to go</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-size: x-large;">so i took the path less traveled on</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-size: x-large;">and i let my stories be whispered when I'm gone</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">when I'm gone</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">well in this life, you must find something to live for</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">'cause when the darkness comes a-callin' you go back to where you were before</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">'cause this life is as fragile as a dream</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">and nothing's ever really as it seems</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">as it seems</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">well i lost my innocence one day, when in i let him dive</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">but the way that he looked at me made me feel alive</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">and now i know nothing at all but the release that comes when you're in mid fall</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">in mid fall</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">in mid fall</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">cause in this life, you must find something to live for...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">-Lily Kershaw, As It Seems</span><br />
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Sometimes, a song strikes me to the core no matter how many times I have heard it before. And its a clear visceral response that I can feel where my heart and mind simultaneously agree, "yes, thats it! thats exactly how we feel." I don't know if songs affect you that way, but lyrics are certainly one of my favorite languages when my own fails me. The past few weeks I have had so much on my mind, such weight on my shoulders while simultaneously traveling substantially. It's been a total roller coaster ride. At this point, these days are all about managing the highs and lows and ordering them to balance out. I have been thinking about the future of this blog and whether or not I will continue to maintain it. In September will be the blogs second anniversary. I am quite confident I will not have much time to dedicate to its postings next year while I have my nose buried in a book and selfishly, since I am unaware of who reads it if anyone, I cannot help but thinking my time will be better spent in the upcoming months dedicating time to my own journals and my travel blog (www.defineyourdestination.blogspot.com). That being said, if there is demand, there will be future posts and if there is no demand, this blog will probably be rarely updated. There is inspiration and ideas for great posts and not enough time or drive to see them through. This blog has been near and dear to my heart. It's posts contain raw thoughts and emotions with words direct heart strings and my opinion as precisely as I could have expressed it.<br />
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I hope that whatever reservations usually keep you from commenting, that if you were ever to leave a comment, it would be on this post. Otherwise, readers from wherever in the world that you are reading, it's been quite a journey. And journeys are one of my favorite things. It's certainly one hell of one I am on. And I wish you nothing but the best on yours.<br />
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With love,<br />
Stephanie<br />
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Source: <a href="http://ohthelovelythings.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-05-03T04%3A22%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=7" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">ohthelovelythings.blogspot.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/stephanieebr/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Stephanie</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div>
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</div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-69673780928616995482012-05-08T06:56:00.001-07:002012-05-08T07:02:25.563-07:00i remember a time my balance was fine<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">"I try so many times </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">but it's not taking me</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;"> and it seems so long ago </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">that I used to believe</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">and I'm so lost inside of my head, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">and crazy </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">but I cant get out of it. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">I'm just stumbling</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;"> And I'm juggling all the thoughts in my head</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">I'm juggling and my fears on fire</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">but I'm listening as it evolves in my head...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">And I remember the time my balance was fine</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">and I was just walking on one fine wire</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 13px;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">Life plays so many games inside of me</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">and I've had some distant cries, following </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">and they're entwined between the night and sun beams</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">I wish I were free from this pain in me</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 13px;">I remember the time my balance was fine..."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 13px;">-Colbie Caillat, One Fine Wire</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 13px;"><br /></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">
hashtag happy, no wait, miserable. no wait, happy.</span></h4>
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These days are characterized by mood swings of new proportions. I feel that the weekends where I stay in Madrid drag on, the weekdays also go by painstakingly slow but yet, the fact that its the EIGHTH of May shocks me to the core. </div>
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I have seven weeks left of living in Europe. </div>
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Then, I am looking at around three weeks to move from Atlanta to Malibu. </div>
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Admittedly, my mind is already in Malibu in many regards. I find my mind wandering to thoughts of buying a new couch, selling some things in the house, going through junk I have no use for with less care than a host from Clean Sweep. I am preoccupied with things I should be doing that I cannot at this time- find an apartment, finish my FAFSA forms, etc etc that I need to be in California barking down my Father's back for help. Conversely, I was walking through my neighborhood today thinking of how deeply I will miss Spanish rolling fluidly off my tongue, weaving through these intricate streets alive with culture and rich in history, with free time to do things like blog or read three books in five days and be completely up-to-date on all my favorite TV shows. But as a friend recently candidly wrote me, "the universe can be such an asshole" and you don't get to choose when certain chapters end and begin nearly as tactfully as you may wish. and that's how you end up with mood swings, questioning your own incapability of balancing what you're doing in this moment and where you're headed. </div>
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balance. </div>
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One of the most poignant themes of my time living in Spain has managed to again remind me that i'm no master and i have much more learning to do. Where is the balance between falling for someone stupidly and falling for someone gracefully? When do you cut yourself off and demand yourself to walk away? At what moment is your investment in someone else's time and feelings the "right amount"? Is there such a thing? <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Is falling off that wire such a tragic thing, anyway? Maybe the most healthy way to approach complicated paradoxes is not by carefully walking the tightrope without falling off, but instead on hopping from one side to the other? </span></div>
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These are questions I blog about because they're things rolling around desperately in my thoughts with no answers. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ea9999;">What do you think? Where do you find balance in your life? Where is there lack of balance? </span></div>
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All I know is I identify with the lyrics presented above. I know that over the weekend, I felt trapped in Madrid. claustrophobic like I wasn't able to breathe while thinking my next booked flight was not until my flight back to the US in July. Though I have zero intentions of changing my habit of caving to my gypsy-like desires, high blood pressure due to lack of foreseen travel in five weeks is a new level I am not sure is healthy. With my patience growing thin on nailing down upcoming weekend plans, finally a few things fell into place. I have plans for this weekend, which I am super excited about. Yes, in two days I will be on the road again. And it makes the surrounding air easier to breathe. </div>
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I also booked my (extremely expensive, might I add) flight to VIENNA! As I have written many times, Vienna has a huge hold on my heart. One of my first mission trips and most certainly the most impactful mission work that I participate in, this upcoming trip will be my seventh trip to the shelter. I couldn't possibly be more thrilled. </div>
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Until I have "it all figured out" (which will never happen) I will most likely continue to endure this insomnia while I lay awake wondering why I don't have some magical <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">"how to balance abstract nouns and life's absurdities"</span> handbook and blogging about how I managed to screw it up. </div>
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<br /></div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-74671805552104526222012-04-24T03:00:00.000-07:002012-04-24T03:00:16.952-07:00you´re not drunk if you can´t stay in your laneThe reason why I love bad days is because the next day is always so much better. Sometimes, you feel like the sky has exploded and only you know (Age of Rockets). Or according to Jack´s Mannequinn, "alone in a crowded room." I firmly believe that life functions on a very carefully calculated balance and contradiction, where unless that balance is somehow maintained via whatever force, everything would totally fall apart. To be honest, I cant quite erase the images provided by The Adjustment Bureau when I think about whatever or whomever controls the balance. There is this quaint little tale in Spanish about a cicada and an ant. In the summer, the ant works really hard to store up for the winter and the cicada mocks him from his lounge chair laying in the sun. The cicada explains to the ant that he must enjoy the summer! The ant retorts, when you have no food in the winter, don´t come cryin´ to me because you should have worked during the summer! I´m sure there is some fable in every language along these lines, where the moral of the story is "don´t build castles in the sky" literal translation from Spanish. This is a balance that I am trying to grasp fully and the entire law school application process juxtaposed with living in Madrid has been operation teach Stephanie to appreciate the now AND prepare for the future simultaneously. I can confidently say that as I look back over the hours I spent pouring over research, websites, books, advice columns, though I am sure it prepared me in an inmeasurable way to make the decision that I did, Pepperdine wasn´t on my beautiful color-coded Excel spreadsheet. I don´t know what the faculty to student ratio is, or how many volumes are in the library but that doesn´t mean it wasn´t an informed decision, because it absolutely certainly was. It´s just that, sometimes the BEST things in life, you cannot plan. And when you look back, you will see that you really had planned it all along and it all followed that plan better than you could have ever imagined. And that my friends, is a truly spectacular thing. Life is unpredictable, ridiculous and beautiful all rolled into one mess. Who would have it any other way?<br />
<br />
"Well, you´re not brave if you still keep the letters<br />
and you're not sane if you don't want to get better<br />
and you're not drunk if you can´t stay in your lane<br />
Well you're not awake but you haven't been sleeping<br />
and you hate God but you don't believe in him<br />
and you're not scared but you still got you're eyes closed<br />
the sky explodes, and only you know<br />
Well it's not fixed if you love it broken<br />
you're not lost but you're missing your exit<br />
and you're not scared but you still got your eyes closed<br />
I want you to worry when I don't call you back."<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wqrvqMAmRU">-Avada Kedavra, Age of Rockets </a>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-22770630799615711972012-04-22T08:47:00.001-07:002012-04-22T08:47:57.809-07:00BOOM.<div style='padding-bottom: 2px; line-height: 0px'><a href='http://pinterest.com/pin/233976143110792569/' target='_blank'><img src='http://media-cache5.pinterest.com/upload/233976143110792569_uATsUUOR_c.jpg' border='0' width='388' height ='600'/></a></div><div style='float: left; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;'><p style='font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;'>Source: <a style='text-decoration: underline; font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;' href='http://anglophilemeetsbibliophile.tumblr.com/page/6'>anglophilemeetsbibliophile.tumblr.com</a> via <a style='text-decoration: underline; font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;' href='http://pinterest.com/bluboho/' target='_blank'>bluboho</a> on <a style='text-decoration: underline; color: #76838b;' href='http://pinterest.com' target='_blank'>Pinterest</a></p></div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-64548693742742077932012-04-18T10:37:00.001-07:002012-04-18T10:38:53.467-07:00in awe of what's in front of me<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">“California, guilded crowns.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Mile markers counting down.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Somewhere down, down in the ocean of sound, we’ll live in slow motion<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">And be free<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">The door’s unlocked and opened<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">The door’s unlocked and opened.”<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">–Death Cab for Cutie, Doors Unlocked and Open<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Bear with me here, because this is a loooong post. Posted first on my blog about my experience living in Spain, www.defineyourdestination.blogspot.com but equally applicable here. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I sincerely hope you can find the time to read every word.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">First: the headline—I will be attending Pepperdine University School of Law in the fall! Now, allow me to fill you in on how WE came to this decision and the revolution it took to get me there. Or, I should say, <b><i>here</i></b>.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Wow, what an incredible and ridiculous trip this has been and these past two weeks have indeed been particularly ridiculous. I was able to accomplish quite a bit in a short, short period of time. The first few days I distinctly felt like I had only revealed that I had more questions than I did answers and more and more I felt an increasing pressure to make some sacrifice on what I wanted for these upcoming years. I didn’t feel like I found a school that “had everything I wanted.” No, I felt like that didn’t exist. Instead, I was choosing which things I was willing to give up and which things I wasn’t going to compromise on. This was a suffocating feeling, but at least the decision was slowly approaching and becoming clearer. I ended up applying to 26 law schools and I was overwhelmed with blessings at the many, many schools that offered me a place in their 2012 incoming class of future JD students. I never expected to get into so many places and in the end, the great choices that I had increased the difficulty of my decision.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> The burning question this entire decision process has been, “Where do you want to live and practice?” And, flatly, I do not know. I simply do not know the answer to that question. Where you want to live and practice is incredibly important for where you attend law school. That city is where you establish a network, where the most alumni live, where your school will have the most connections for job placement, the state where you will be the most prepared to take the bar and not to mention, the city you are committing to live in for at least three years and most likely through your first job or two.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> I need to rewind. One of the reasons why I have always loved Death Cab For Cutie (a band) is because of Ben Gibbard’s (the lead singer and lyricist) remarkable ability to capture this idea of never quenching wanderlust. Many of their songs discuss “falling in love with an open door” and it is their “You Are A Tourist” that this blog was named after. Read its lyrics in full and then I’ll explain why it’s been so strongly on my heart throughout this entire last few months journey.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">“This <span style="color: #92cddc;">fire</span>, grows higher…<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">When there’s a burning in your heart, <b><span style="color: #92cddc; font-family: 'Lucida Handwriting';">an endless yearning in your heart, build it BIGGER than the sun, LET IT GROW.</span></b><o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">When there’s a burning in your heart, don’t be alarmed…<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">When there’s a doubt in your mind, ‘cause you’re thinking all the time, framing rights into wrongs- MOVE ALONG.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">When there’s a doubt within your mind, when there’s a burning in your heart and you think you’ll burst apart, well, <span style="color: #92cddc;">there’s nothing to fear</span>. Save the tears. When there’s a burning in your heart and you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born, <b>it’s time to go and define your destination. There’s so many different places to call </b><b><span style="font-family: 'Lucida Handwriting'; font-size: 14pt;">home</span>.</b><o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Cause when you find yourself a villain in the story you have written, its plain to see that <span style="color: #92cddc;">sometimes the best intentions are in need of redemption</span>, would you agree? If so, please show me.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">This fire, grows higher…”<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Those last few months in Tuscaloosa, I felt like a tourist in this city where much of who I am now was born. I knew that fire to get out of the city and dream chase and live in Europe for a year was something real that had to be pursued. My plan after studying in Spain was to enjoy my senior year, retake the LSAT, live in Europe for a year and then go to law school. It would be a boldfaced lie to say that at times that plan has seems farfetched, out of reach and absurd. But hindsight is always crystal clear, and it’s such a blessing to look back on the tears cried over missing application deadlines or the disappointment with my LSAT score and think,<span style="color: #943634;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cfe2f3;">“woah, it all has gone exactly according to plan.” And it really has.</span><o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> My months in Spain have taught me many things and in many ways, the most significant thing I have learned has been about myself. Though the fairly recently developed Brown nomadic lifestyle is now deeply ingrained in me, my definition of home has been crystalized.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Home is not Roswell or Tuscaloosa or York or Madrid.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Home is not in Irvine or seat 17F.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Home is a strange combination of all of these places.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Home is in the people that I love that revitalize me, encourage me, bless me, make me happy, make me laugh until my stomach hurts, allow me to call them venting, hold me when I am crying, that read my emails, that listen intently to details of my day, who Facebook stalk my photo albums and who I can pick up with wherever it may be that we left off.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Home is a collection of these places because the people that I love are spread out all over the world. Literally. And so, as for where I want to live and practice law? Well, I want to be a little closer to “home.” That is, the definition of home according to Stephanie Brown. Augustana has a song where he belts, "Do you want to see it, the place where I am free? It lives INSIDE me."<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">The morning of April 6<sup>th</sup>, I slept in for the first time in weeks. I woke up to Dad having read all my hours of research and all the brochures and viewbooks I had collected over the last few months. I listened intently as he was on the phone explaining to a friend that the day before after touring two schools fifteen minutes away from his apartment in Orange County, I had crossed them both off the list. He snuck in a few words of disappointment to the man that was the best man in my parents wedding saying, “I would really like her to come to school out here, but it just doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.” I left to lay by the pool and call a friend to explain, whether it was NYC or Miami, they were both incredible options, but they were both so far away from “home”. I was hell-bent though on not sacrificing a better education and better option for my future just because I have friends and family in California. All these thoughts about home and proximity to people that I love and need were not separate from this decision. As ratios, percentages, dollar signs, images and descriptions were all swirling around in my head like a broken radio I couldn’t turn off in my mind, behind all that were these feelings of being sick of being SO far away from everyone.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Friday afternoon, Dad and I were out running errands and we were having a discussion on “THE DECISION.” I had been leaning pretty heavily to New York Law School and imagining walking the halls of the sleek, new building and sharing with strangers on a plane that I live in Manhattan. It’s certainly a dream to live in NYC but after further research and review, University of Miami is just a better fit. Miami Law has everything I could possibly want and more. Though large and with a huge faculty to student ratio, the clinic offerings, the academic programs, the Latin population, the study abroad options, the notoriety, the connections and alumni network are all ideal. And before we knew it, Dad and I had reached a decision. Miami.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">We ran into Best Buy for a few things and when we returned to the car, I had an email saying “CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve been accepted to Pepperdine University School of Law!”<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I just kept repeating, “DAD!!” I had no other words.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">This changed everything.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I delayed my flight to Europe for a week to fly back to LA to see Pepperdine and attend an Admitted Student’s Open House to make my final decision.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">At church on Easter, this was my most exciting news to share with anyone and everyone who would listen. Each person made it clear their preference for where my tuition check should go. And who can blame them. Pepperdine has epic things to offer and being accepted feels like a dream. Feels like a life that isn’t actually mine.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">After a full day of the Admitted Student’s Open House, it was even clearer than before that Pepperdine is the place for me. Several really incredible interactions took place. I spoke with students who told me they are praying for the incoming class and one girl looked me dead in the eye and said, “You’ll make the right decision and God will lead you here, because Pepperdine is a place where God leads people.” When we met the dean and she introduced herself to us, Dad said, “Well, I think she’s decided to come here!” The dean shrieked in excitement and gave me a hug. Completely thrown off, I stood there, thinking, “Wow, this is the community I am being welcomed by and I can’t wait to get back here.” It was a powerful day and I am so confident that this is the right decision.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I seem to be incapable of finding words profound enough to explain how my blood feels like it is running smoother in my veins. I am incredibly confident that Pepperdine will nurture, feed and build my dreams in a way that no other community would be capable of doing and its such an exciting thought to know the steps that lie ahead may be hard work, but are on the exact path I have been envisioning. Now, its time to go back to Madrid and enjoy my last few months before I sell my blood to the library. I’ve got a new pep in my step feeling like the doors are unlocked and open. I can’t wait for these next few months to be the best yet.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">“I’m just in awe of what’s in front of me.” –Empire of the Sun</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: maroon;"><o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Looking back on a conversation I had several weeks ago with my boss in Spain, I said, “Pray that I see the name of the school in the clouds.” I can honestly say, it really did feel like God’s answer was indeed that clear. I cannot thank you enough for the prayers, support, encouragement and awesomeness that you all have offered me along the way. I simply could not be here without you.<o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">And you’ll have a HOME in Malibu in the fall! <o:p></o:p></div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"></div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-44930952457944581932012-03-21T05:13:00.000-07:002012-03-21T05:13:19.504-07:00total production costs: $10 plus awesomeDo you know what my cure for hump day is? Well, usually, I barely survive Wednesdays, but today, it is this song and this video. It´s going to make your day. I promise. It´s just SO AWESOME.<br />
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I´ve got all sorts of things on my mind and I plan to get some serious blogging done this weekend, but for right now, all that´s playing in my head is this man. this man, dancin´and lovin´ life.Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-39181752183768680552012-03-11T05:50:00.000-07:002012-03-11T05:50:43.165-07:00its important for EVERYONEthis is worth the fight. i hope you will join me in making the pledge, writing to the selected people, donating $5 measly dollars per month, and collaborating in my city on April 20th. but most importantly, INFORM yourself. not just on Kony, but on all international criminals. and maybe one day, youll see me working at The Hague. Because this is my dream, to raise a child in a better world than the world that I live in. To teach them that every human has rights, and that I fight daily to ensure the International Declaration of Human Rights is effectively being implemented and justice is being actively sought when it is not.<br />
<br />
"where you live shouldnt determine whether or not you live."<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/Y4MnpzG5Sqc?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
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"not for self defense, but because it was RIGHT."Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-60167093160631710492012-03-09T11:11:00.000-08:002012-03-09T11:11:45.996-08:00if a flame's what it takes to remember my name<div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">It is my hope that in this blog, you occasionally read and think, "that's exactly what I needed to hear" or "thats where I am at" or "i want to remember that if i am in that position" but more importantly, that you find you can follow my ramblings and that you see how the lyrics presented go so hand in hand with the post. Sometimes the thoughts behind the post lead me to the music and sometimes its the other way around. But, they are always meant to be understood together by the reader and if your interpretation is getting lost, then I am losing my direction as a writer. All of these things are welcomed in emails and comments, so do not hesitate to keep giving me the feedback. That's why I write, for the feedback. </span> </div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">Here's a culmination of several posts (see tagged labels below) and something that's really on my heart.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">"this is a call to the color blind. this is an ‘I-owe-You’.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">I'm stranded behind the horizon line, tied up with something true.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">Why is it not my time?</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">What is there more to learn?</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;"> Shed this skin I've been tripping in</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">Never to quite return</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">Someday I'll fly, Someday I'll SOAR</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;"> Someday, I'll be SO DAMN MUCH MORE</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">I'm bigger than my body, now</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">And it might be over in a second's time</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">But I'll gladly go down in a flame.. </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;"> if a flame's what it takes to remember my name. </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;">-John Mayer, Bigger Than My Body</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'Segoe Script', sans-serif;"><br />
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This winter has been extremely strange for me. I have had some really emotional highs and some rough, rock bottom emotional lows. I know those highs and lows aren't going away anytime soon. As a friend said to me regarding this law school application process, "Each step of this process has had its challenges and NOW its decision time..." In no way do I intend to ramble about my law school applications, but it's important for where I want to go, so hang in here with me for a second. As I spent several weekends laying around in bed because I was so sick, it's given days feeling well an entirely new brightness.<br />
<br />
The decision to pack 3 suitcases and move to Madrid, Spain happened really fast even if it was something I had wanted for years before the Delta flight carried me here in October. I didn't have much time to really consider what I would be DOING. I teach teenagers. I am in a high school with students from all levels of English proficiency and all different backgrounds. With absolutely no education background, I have zero experience to be teaching English to highschoolers in Spain. Daily, I am faced with a question or word that I do not know the answer to. What is the difference in meaning in the sentence, "My mom likes everything including chocolate" and "My mom likes anything including chocolate." Nearly all of the textbooks are British English and I don't recognize some words or phrases or idioms because I speak American English. And for a percentage of my words, they can only be classified as Southern American English. The Californian English teacher that I work with argued with me when I said "I sleep in a bite guard at night." he said, "no, you sleep WITH a bite guard." this argument lasted ten more minutes. I say, you sleep WITH someone, WITH two pillows, but IN socks or IN pajama pants... maybe I just speak incorrectly. I don't know. But there are a lot of days when I think, "jeez, I suck at this job." Students blatantly skip class and do not study or participate or pay attention. The details of whats involved in "teaching English" is only a quarter of my job. The other part of my life here is battling the numerous things that drive me bat crazy, balancing the culture shock of the lackadaisical attitude, and other mounting frustrations unique to Spain but not so different than any other frustrations inherently attached with WORKING.<br />
All of this juxtaposition-ed against the time I had been dedicating to working on law school applications and carefully crafting beautiful essays that prophetically explained why I was anxiously awaiting an acceptance letter to THAT particular University, was more exhausting than I could properly explain to anyone. I was spending a large amount of emotional and physical energy on thinking about nothing except my future while feeling incredibly trapped in my current moment. I couldn't appropriately connect the two and I couldn't accurately justify how one led to the other or vice versa. For a majority of my mental capactiy, I was dreaming big dreams about what I want to do with my future, what I will do in fifteen years, the goals I have for myself and for my career. Why I want a law degree and what I am going to do with it. These essays took something out of me that I cannot explain. Telling someone, even if its a complete stranger, that you have dreams to change the way people think about genocide, the Holocaust and Human Rights meant for me that one day down the road, if I do not actually accomplish those things, I will be admitting to failure. Seeing these passions on paper scared me because they are the only reason why I have worked so hard. And if "those things" (any of my goals or dreams) are not meant, I will have failed myself, my wonderful support system and the law school that chose to accept me. But, this is big kid life and I am just beginning to grow into it.<br />
Now that I am out from the umbrella of the application process, I feel like I can breathe easier. But walking with what's become quite a weight on my shoulders of this looming GIGANTIC decision is becoming more difficult.<br />
I know that I am going to miss Spain immensely. I am going to miss all the people that I live here with, who help hold me together just as much as my precious American friends. And while I am trying to make this huge decision, my one goal is to remember the ground beneath my feet.<br />
To appreciate THIS precious moment.<br />
To understand why I am receiving the decisions in this order and how to interpret each school's response.<br />
To gain insight on WHO i AM, who i want TO BE, where I come FROM and where i am GOING.<br />
To work on bettering myself in ways that make me happier, more pleasing as a servant to God, a better daughter, a better friend and a better citizen of this world.<br />
To enjoy the days of sunshine and the days of rain, equally.<br />
To basque in this phase of life, because I will never again hold it in my palms as I am now.<br />
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And, that is my challenge to you today, to do the same thing.<br />
<br />
Walk this tight rope with me, of keeping your eyes focused on where you are walking, and each individual brick beneath your feet that is leading you there.Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-2228345583158961532012-02-25T11:02:00.001-08:002012-03-04T11:02:28.309-08:00we can feel so far from so close<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: orange; font-size: 13px;">if life wasn't such a roller coaster of ups and downs, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the best moments. I hadn't realized how deep my rut was until I glanced up and saw the black cloud had been lifted and blue sky was there instead. this change in the weather was partially due to exciting news (I've been accepted to law school!) and mostly due to a visit from a</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"> <a href="http://www.allthewrightthings.blogspot.com/">great friend</a>. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: orange; font-size: 13px;">I so badly needed to be reminded of who I am and she was there to do just that. so when you get so discouraged, you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror, just think that if you could see the BIG picture, the BIG plan that you may be closer than you realize. and in that moment, you may feel the furthest away but count on a good friend to tell you, "shut up. I can see this so clearly and you can too if you took the time to stop worrying or being self absorbed and actually LOOK." most likely, it won't come out quite like that but if you're actually listening, that may be what you hear. and it's most likely going to be the exact reminder you've been thirsty for.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: orange; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;">just keep the seed in your mind that nothing in this world is permanent, not even our most wicked troubles.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: orange; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;">and hold on. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: orange; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;">better yet, hold on with someone else. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: orange; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: orange;">Listen to Mat Kearney's song that inspired the post, the title of the post and the entire album I have on repeat </span><a href="http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/matkearney/shipsinthenight.html" style="color: #222222;">here</a><span style="color: #222222;">. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-76296698154749610862012-02-13T22:05:00.001-08:002012-02-13T22:18:01.185-08:00throw the careful into crazy<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><img alt="sorry-about-valentines-day-ecard-someecards.png" src="webkit-fake-url://6E3C15FD-BCBA-4DD3-87D9-51411E6414D0/sorry-about-valentines-day-ecard-someecards.png" /></span><br />
Somehow holidays always sneak up on me. It´s like, I know that the holiday is coming and I know that February fourteenth is just another day, like yesterday was the thirteenth and tomorrow will be the fifteenth, but somehow a holiday makes the entire day FEEL different. After living for several months in a country where most of your holidays aren´t celebrated, I have realized this is even more true than I ever previously thought. Spain doesn´t particularly celebrate Valentine´s Day, and considering that it is 6:30 in the morning here, I have literally no clue what is in store for the rest of my day other than what´s written in my calendar: work and Spanish class. Though I feel it will be difficult to top my Valentine´s Day post from last year (<a href="http://stephanieebr.blogspot.com/2011/02/love-what-more-is-there.html">read it here</a>), I would like to make an effort, doing so with less effort.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Listen up: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6w5Y05f0Lig">here</a>.</div><br />
I remember what I was doing last year and how it truly doesnt feel like 365 days have passed.<br />
I remember Valentines Day in high school, waiting to see how many carnations I would get at lunch, who they would be from and what they would say.<br />
Valentines Day in elementary school was always my least favorite, even if there were arts and crafts and chocolate involved. Lets be honest, there was always one kid that I didn´t like and I didn´t think deserved to get a valentine from me. Okay, who am I kidding, there were always at least three or four kids I felt that way about.<br />
I remember a Valentines Day when I walked into a room with my favorite flowers and still, to this day, the most beautiful gerber daisies I have ever seen. I was so happy and I was so in love.<br />
Last year, I was drug to that atrocious Valentine´s Day movie. It wasnt atrocious for any reason other than it was a sappy chick flick, and I strongly dislike these movies. My movie pick this year would be one the what feels like hundreds of Oscar nominees I haven´t yet seen.<br />
I miss those little notes that just say, "hey, I love you!" from a friend stapled to a cheap $1 flower guaranteed to barely survive the entire day.<br />
<br />
How should I inspire you today, on a day when you should be bringing to the attention of someone that you love that you love them? Well, unfortunately I don´t have much inspiration, so I am hoping you find some in this wonderful song by Bob Schneider (see some of my favorite lyrics in pink below). It´s my Valentine´s Day gift to you, regardless of if youll be curled up next to someone later, if youll be curled up in your cozy bed with a good book or if youll be spending time with friends and/or some combination of all of the above.<br />
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<div style="clear: right; float: right; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 0px;"><img alt="single-friends-love-pda-valentines-day-ecards-someecards.png" src="webkit-fake-url://92F61E53-6335-4ACC-A88A-986CDE7B7734/single-friends-love-pda-valentines-day-ecards-someecards.png" /></div><br />
<br />
<br />
Here´s what I know, most definitively: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ea9999;">there is something right about you and me. </span><br />
There is no reason to think that this black cloud I feel hanging over me isnt on its way out of town.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ea9999;">When the whole world falls into the sea,</span> Ill still be clutching tightly onto the friendships that I treasure so dearly and that have successfully brought me this far. And <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ea9999;">we will be living ever after, happily. </span>Of this, I am confident.<br />
Despite creeping fear that its risky, I hope we can spur each other onto diving in whole-heartedly, even if it means potential heartbreak, just for the chance of something great and better than any expectations. Because, let´s DO IT. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ea9999;">Come out with me tonight, come out with me baby.</span> Let´s <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ea9999;">throw the careful into crazy.</span> We can be like, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ea9999;">good times that haven´t happened yet, but WILL. We can do what we wanna do.</span><br />
Hell, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ea9999;">make a fire, gotta burn a few...</span><br />
Dream stealing is no crime. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ea9999;">We´ll get there before you know.</span><br />
Maybe discontentment is born from half-assing it and straddling the middle ground, living in the boring comfort zone. And that´s no good because...<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ea9999; font-size: x-large;">We ain´t got no time to waste, </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ea9999; font-size: x-large;">we got too much life to taste. </span></div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-47850779354365576622012-02-09T08:14:00.000-08:002012-02-09T08:16:52.217-08:00my love affair with everywhere was innocent, why do you care?<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f3f3f3;"><strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Vacilando</strong> – according to <a href="http://www.glossary.com/reference.php?q=Vacilando" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">glossary.com</a>, it’s a Spanish term for </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: large;">the act of wandering when the experience of travel is more important than reaching the specific destination. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f3f3f3;">John Steinbeck (in<em style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Travels With Charley: In Search of America</em>, 1962) wrote: ‘In Spanish there is a word for which I can’t find a counterword in English. It is the verb <em style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">vacilar</em>, present participle <em style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">vacilando</em>. It does not mean vacillating at all. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f3f3f3;">If one is <em style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">vacilando</em>, he is going somewhere, but does not greatly care whether or not he gets there, although he has direction.’</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></span></div><br />
Facebook wall posts, excuse me, TIMELINE posts, that say things like, (and I quote) "update your blog you whore." make me feel happy inside and that you people actually care about what i do and do not write. So here is my blog post. Apparently, it is Spanish tradition to talk about what you expect to happen in the next year of your life around your birthday. It's like New Years Resolutions, except, not. In my 23rd year of living, what do I expect to happen? Well, in fact, this is a spectacular question. As mentioned in my previous post, I really have no clue what will happen in this next year. But I am beginning to think that is better than having all these expectations and then being heart broken when I realize, AGAIN, that I had no idea what was actually the best for me but that miraculously, things worked out better than ever possibly expected.<br />
I have discovered in the past month or so that one of the most difficult yet interesting things to do is to reveal yourself to someone. And this is one of my new least favorite and favorite past times. Each time such an opportunity arises to learn about someone else, you get to learn about yourself too. And its awesome. There was a quote from 30 Rock when Liz Lemon says, "I wish when you first met someone they could just tell you all their weird quirks up front so you didnt have to discover each layer on your own, getting more and more sour with each one." (something along these lines) and sometimes, I agree, I wish it was that easy, but other times, I think about the beauty of someone who really KNOWS you, and that's nothing I could have ever handed someone on a silver platter, no matter how hard I tried. For example, I was super sick earlier this week and friends berated me about getting rest, hydrating, going to the doctor, skipping work, etc. All demands without substantial encouragement and coercion I seem to be incapable of following on my own. I'm not really sure where this was going, or if it ever even had a direction, other than just to say, that I have loved letting someone else inside, if even only just for a few seconds to selfishly discover new things about myself. And it's true, I form in wet sand. Or so, I am completely convinced.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">"My shadows side so amplified, keeps coming back so dissatisfied</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">My love affair with everywhere was innocent, why do you care?</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My sunny side is up and died</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm betting that when we collide the universe will shift into a low</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My what a good day for a walk outside</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I like to get to know you little better baby</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">God knows that I really tried</span></span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">I saw you there so unaware those hummingbirds all in your hair</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">The disrepair of norma Jean could not compare to your routine</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My what a good day for a let it slide</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'd like to say we did it for the better of...</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Right on the verge just one more dose</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm travelling from coast to coast</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My theory isn't perfect but it's close</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm almost there why should I care</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My heart is hurting when I share</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Someone open up </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Let it show</span></span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">I thought about it and I brought it out</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;"> I'm motivated by the lack of doubt</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm consecrated but I'm not devout</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The mother, the father, the daughter</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You don't form in the wet sand,</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You don't form at all</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Woah you don't form in the wet sand,</b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>I do</b>"</span></span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">-Red Hot Chili Peppers, Wet Sand</span></span></div></div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-76300861679697069362012-01-30T13:02:00.000-08:002012-01-30T13:04:59.844-08:00i chose this.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Tell me this is not how you feel on Mondays. And this "stranger's nightmare" is what I chose for myself. And sometimes its wonderful and sometimes, it's totally not. I have had this song on repeat. I love the song itself more than the lyrics, but there are a few lines I can't help but feel the hair stand up on my neck as I think, "oh yeah that's actually about right..." and the video some kids made could not have been more of a pleasant surprise. A new day is around the corner. And thank goodness for that!</span></span><br />
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<div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">You shut me up with your long tubesocks</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> They don't scream, "Hey, let's just be friends"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> </span><br />
<div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">Look at both my inkwells brimming</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> How many stars you think you possess?</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> How many in your butterfly net?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">Build me a star in your forehead.</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">Don't let the bathwater get too high</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">You will be a flood of porcelain...</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> And we're going to flood this house</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> This is me starring</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> In a stranger's nightmare</span></div></div><div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">-Freelance Whale, Starring</span></div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
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<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px;"><a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/29836416250845061/" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/29836416250845061_U9g81lxR_c.jpg" width="297" /></a></div><div style="float: left; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;">Source: <a href="http://genwiseperspective.wordpress.com/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">genwiseperspective.wordpress.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/stephanieebr/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Stephanie</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div></div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-18225221934452385682012-01-25T12:39:00.000-08:002012-01-25T12:40:20.066-08:00somehow, i forgot that along the way<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px;"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/29836416250885355/" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="244" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/29836416250885355_xS1MM0qq_c.jpg" width="400" /></a></div></div><div style="float: left; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;">Source: <a href="http://fieldandsea.tumblr.com/post/8844311708/if-you-can-find-a-path-with-no-obstacles-it" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">fieldandsea.tumblr.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/stephanieebr/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Stephanie</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div></div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-56268349112228758352012-01-22T05:53:00.000-08:002012-01-22T09:51:25.435-08:00it's just too bright, as the days keep turning into night"Well, I have been searching all of my days.<br />
Many a road, you know, I've been walking on, all of my days.<br />
And I've been tryin' to find, what's been on my mind, as the days keep turning into night.<br />
Well, I have been quietly standing in the shade, all of my days.<br />
Watch the sky breaking on the promise that we made, all of this rain.<br />
And I've been trying to find, what's been in my mind, as the days keep turning into night.<br />
Many a night, I found myself with no friends standing near..<br />
I cried aloud, I shook my hands, 'what am I doing here?!' all of these days...<br />
For I look around me, and my eyes, confound me.<br />
And it's just too bright, as the days keep turning into night.<br />
So I smile, and know I'll feel this loneliness no more. For I look around me, and it seems you've found me.<br />
And it's coming into sight, as the days keep turning into night.<br />
And even breathing feels alright. Yes, even breathing feels alright. Now, even breathing feels alright."<br />
-Alexi Murdoch, All My Days<br />
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It is January 22nd and I realize this post is a little late. But time is really flying by. I think every one of my journal entries begins with something about how fast time is going by, and it seems I can hardly keep up <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4hBRkXAFUY&feature=fvst">as these days keep turning into nights. </a><br />
I was teaching lessons on "New Year's Eve traditions and resolutions" all week and I can't help but share some thoughts. First of all, I learned that Spaniards don't particularly make resolutions. The word resolution itself is best directly translated as, "propositions." Interesting, I said the first time I heard this. I asked my students, "So, wait, you don't claim you'll miraculously become a new and improved, better person in the upcoming new year?" One student replied quizzically, "No, I mean, that's unrealistic, so why would we do that?" I wanted to end class right there and just chew on that. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;">As I reflect on what my resolutions are this year, I realize that they are all basically the exact same as they were last year.</span> I pride myself in being a very goal-oriented person, like my Mother and I do generally succeed in meeting the goals for myself. But as I have read <a href="http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/what-20-somehings-want/">Thought Catalog's "What 20-Somethings Want,"</a> I think about what I want, and its all basically the same things I wanted last year. And just because there are few changes to my<a href="http://stephanieebr.blogspot.com/2011/01/hello-2011.html"> Hello 2011 </a>post, doesn't mean that I didn't succeed in reaching those goals last year. <b>It's just that I think I've reached a point where the things I am chasing, wanting, trying to be are slightly more static than they have been in years past and I am okay with that.</b><br />
Just because commercials cater to Americans thinking they will miraculously muster up the motivation they've been lacking for years because it's time to make resolutions, doesn't mean that resolutions are inherently bad. Even if they're not kept. And that's what I think about resolution making. It's worth your time even if you fall short. <b>What's that cheesy phrase that used to be on posters in our elementary classrooms? I can picture it right now: Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars.</b> Set goals, make resolutions, create propositions for yourself not just because its the first fresh few days of a new year, but because you owe it to yourself. Self-improvement. Not just in January, but throughout the year. So, this year, resolve to set some goals and then resolve to stick to 'em.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;">Who knows what 2012 will hold. </span><br />
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One thing that is for sure is there will be more engagements and weddings than I can keep track of. Mine will not be one of them. Maybe this will be the year that I will fall madly in love again. Maybe this will be another year of funny stories, disaster dates, short lived hotties and almosts. In fact, either of these or a combination thereof, I am perfectly okay with.<br />
2012 holds the secret of where I will be settling for the next three years, perhaps where I will apply to take the bar and perhaps the state where I will call "home" for a long time. That frightens and excites me simultaneously, especially considering I currently have NO clue where that will be past this short list: DC, LA, NYC, Miami, Boston, San Diego, San Francisco, Chicago.<br />
Maybe 2012 will be another year of friendship turmoil or maybe 2011 held it all so 2012 can be about harvesting the good that's left over. Perhaps this year will be another great football season for the beautiful Crimson Tide and perhaps it will be a rebuilding year with a few losses sprinkled into the season.<br />
This will be another year of being a 20-something lost, confused and searching for answers to questions that I have been looking forward to answering for years and questions I have yet to create entirely.<br />
I predict that for a decent chunk of 2012, I will be in the library with my nose dug into a book or staring at this very computer screen until I go cross-eyed. I. cannot. wait.<br />
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As for the idea that if you keep your resolutions a secret, they will come true, I think that's pure nonsense. I believe in the opposite. So, here are mine. I hope that you will help me with the following ideas and that you will consistently be on me. If you share yours with me, I will promise to do the same thing. Promise.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">LOVE. above everything else. </div><div style="text-align: center;">keep my priorities in line.</div><div style="text-align: center;">make myself and those around me proud.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Don't forget to breathe.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Pray. Have a faith bigger than my fear.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Run and do ab workouts several times a week</div><div style="text-align: center;">Take good care of those that I love</div><div style="text-align: center;">Make the most of every second and live with no regrets</div><div style="text-align: center;">Read all the NYT Bestsellers</div><div style="text-align: center;">Read a complete book in Spanish</div><div style="text-align: center;">Learn from myself and others</div><div style="text-align: center;">Do something extraordinary</div><div style="text-align: center;">Do something that makes a difference, no matter how small </div><div style="text-align: center;">Do something new</div><div style="text-align: center;">Travel</div><div style="text-align: center;">Read the news several times a week</div><div style="text-align: center;">Journal</div><div style="text-align: center;">Maintain my blogs regularly</div><div style="text-align: center;">Break 3 bad habits: snooze, acrylic nails, texting and driving</div><div style="text-align: center;">Make art</div><div style="text-align: center;">Be thankful for absolutely EVERYTHING</div><div style="text-align: center;">Remind people of their loveliness often</div><div style="text-align: center;">Watch all the 2012 Academy Award nominees</div><div style="text-align: center;">Watch all the 2012 Emmy winners</div><div style="text-align: center;">Rationalize with my heart and head instead of siding with one or the other</div><div style="text-align: center;">Keep an open mind</div><div style="text-align: center;">Stay in better touch with Mom's family. Go to Dallas.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Surround myself with people who lift me up, call me to higher living, and believe in my dreams</div><div style="text-align: center;">Gain a pea-sized ounce of patience</div><div style="text-align: center;">Expand my vocabulary and curse less</div><div style="text-align: center;">Less English, more Spanish</div><div style="text-align: center;">Whatever I do, be passionate about it</div><div style="text-align: center;">Look for inspiration</div><div style="text-align: center;">Go to concerts of my favorite artists and other cultural events</div><br />
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<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px;"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/29836416251094364/" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="294" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/29836416251094364_LpmI4MYt_c.jpg" width="420" /></a></div></div><div style="float: left; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;">Source: <a href="http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/2d8e38e6110e83b07e6d622ae23aa563" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">someecards.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/stephanieebr/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Stephanie</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;"><br />
</div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f1c232; font-family: inherit;">And in case I didn't already take up enough of your time today, read this. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f1c232; font-family: inherit;">http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/20-new-years-resolutions-for-20-somethings/</span></div></div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-384332234173192652012-01-20T08:02:00.000-08:002012-01-20T08:02:54.299-08:00i wanna wear my hair up in a mess, cut off jeans, can you get with that?<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px;"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/154952043399001595/" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/128563764332076189_LsanzPjh_c.jpg" width="411" /></a></div></div><div style="float: left; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px;">Source: <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/71957236/inspire-your-work-poster" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;">etsy.com</a> via <a href="http://pinterest.com/alovelyavenue/" style="color: #76838b; font-size: 10px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Meghann</a> on <a href="http://pinterest.com/" style="color: #76838b; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></div></div><br />
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hey Friday. i choose to spend you however i want. sleeping, pinterest-ing, and listening to great music.<br />
hey to-do list, see ya tomorrow.<br />
download this. its just a powerful jam. so great...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://0.gvt0.com/vi/8sxz3_5XsNQ/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/8sxz3_5XsNQ&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/8sxz3_5XsNQ&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-13204557724700211022012-01-16T14:48:00.000-08:002012-01-16T15:02:55.753-08:00just by folding a mapfor the last year and a half, this blog has been a refuge to spill about things in life that confuse, perplex, astound, amaze and impress me. i am continuously surprised at the random people that tell me they read these ramblings, much less when i hear they feel where i am coming from. i am hoping that this next string of thoughts finds you either on my same page, or with the ability to leave a comment that says, "steph, i love you, but you're crazy."<br />
perhaps, it will leave you thinking both, which i am perfectly content with.<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">In one of the first Death Cab songs I ever fell in love with, Ben Gibbard expresses, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">"So, this is the new year.</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">And I don't feel any different. </span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">The clanking of crystal, explosions off in the distance. </span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">So, this is the new year. </span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">And I have no resolutions. </span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">It's selfish, I panic from problems with easy solutions...</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f6b26b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I wish the world was flat like the old days, </span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f6b26b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">so that I could travel just by folding a map. </span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f6b26b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">No more airplanes or speedways, </span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f6b26b;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">there'd be no distance that could hold us back.</span> </span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">There'd be no distance that could hold us back."</span></div>Since I boarded the plane to come back to Spain, I cannot shake this feeling that I have been so strictly forced to choose. <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">I hate that I have to choose HERE or THERE.</span></b> That I am incapable of doing a decent job of reconciling both worlds that are each so important to me, so dear to my heart, so ME. Unable to clear these thoughts from my head, all day at work today (which happened to be particularly frustrating as luck would have it) all I could think was, "what the fuck am I doing here?!" I feel that everything I am doing here is wrong. Not that me actually being here is wrong, but that what I am actually DOING here is wrong.<br />
My priorities are so absurdly out of line. <br />
As Dave would say it, "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">what I want is what I've not got and what I <b>need</b> is all around me.</span>" What I want to be spending time on is not how I am actually spending my time at all, whatsoever. What I want to be learning, seeing, doing is what always seems to get the back burner. This is where the "problems with easy solutions" line comes into play. Well then, I think to myself, I will re-prioritize. I will re-invent this side of my life. I will RESOLVE to get things in order. I will think about how i WANT to spend my day and spend it THAT way. But it's not so easy. I have committed to things, I have made promises, I have tied myself down and I have found that this free bird has actually become acutely aware of the cage she built. Even if that cage is just until July.<br />
I am confident this feeling will be shaken when I have settled back into my routine and I am not on hyper-sensitive mode to the strangeness of things here, the bizarreness of a grueling job i never saw myself having, the inability to see how this is relevant to training i want or need and that my entire mentality is different. but for a girl who appreciates vulnerability and has promised to be a messenger of a variety of emotions and topics, this is one of those posts that's just not quite as colorful as the others.Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-8101556652721412002011-12-22T16:44:00.000-08:002011-12-22T16:44:07.974-08:00see how they resemble one another?Well I met you at the blood bank<br />
We were looking at the bags, wondering if any of the colors matched any of the names we knew on the tags<br />
You said look it that's yours, stacked on top with YOUR BROTHERS.<br />
See how the resemble one another? even in their plastic little covers.<br />
And I said I know it well.<br />
That secret that you know, that you don't know how to tell... well, it fucks with your honor and it teases your head.<br />
But you know that its good girl, 'cause its running you with red.<br />
What's that noise up the stairs baby, is that Christmas morning?<br />
I know it well...<br />
-Bon Iver, Blood Bank<br />
<br />
Do you ever think about how similar we are despite our differences? We are beautiful and diverse creatures yet so much the exact same. We fall into patterns and habits and we act so strange. We repeat the same mistakes and forgive too easily just to be hurt next time. We cling to our fortress we build from the last time yet, completely cognizant, let someone sneak in on the side. I don't know quite how to describe where all my thoughts are coming from, other than that the above song has been on my mind. I had a lesson in a class a few years ago about the concept of a blood bank that I have never quite forgotten. Christmas is always a strange time for me. Well always? No, but the last few years for sure. I can't help but thinking about how strange this journey and this path is and how many people have held my hand along the way. How many things have changed and how many things have stayed the exact same. I am not naive enough to think that the world in the USA has been on hold while I have been over here. I am excited to see what I have been missing out on and to share with my dearest friends what adventures I have been on over here also.<br />
My hope is that these secrets we, for whatever reason, have not shared on social media or email or skype have not deadly poisoned something that just a few months ago seemed so pure.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-size: large;">That despite the inability to pause time, through stability, static and change that the same blood runs through our veins. I know it well. </span>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-13511239173831942852011-12-13T10:23:00.000-08:002011-12-13T10:23:40.642-08:00exchanging my desire for a crystal ball for something so much greater<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Long time no see. I would say I am sorry, but I am ridiculously busy with great things so I am not that sorry it turns out. So here is a much-over-due post. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">A dear friend's recent proposal sparked a near meltdown about life that i am so craving to be apart of happening without me. I'm such a control freak I can't stand not knowing what's going on. I haven't gotten a chance to do a big post on all the things I am thankful for or talk much on what I have attempted to learn through the book <a href="http://onethousandgifts.com/">1000 Gifts</a>. I say "attempted to learn" because I do not have down by any means. in fact, I have a soap box of sorts about learning and the idea that very few things you truly learn. anyways, the past two months at the suggestion of a dear mentor of mine, I decided to begin this book that calls for a way of living where you appreciate essentially each and every second as something to be thankful to God for. The author challenges you to make a list and go past 1000. I am on number 361. Last year, I was driving in my car with my favorite songs playing and I had an awakening that <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #fce5cd;">instead of fretting and complaining about the future that I must chose to be thankful for the journey</span>. this year, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f9cb9c;">I am still practicing being thankful for the journey instead of bitching that I do not have a crystal ball.</span> Still most days I would splurge big time for that crystal ball. Perhaps it is because a majority of my epiphanys occur in my car or in the shower it seems I have not had one in quite some time. my shower is less of a shower and more like a struggling dripping faucet so my morning showers last less than two songs. I haven't seen my car in over 90 days. But a few days ago, walking through the city and listening intently to her sounds while reading an email I felt joy rush through my body at something so simple: a new email. If you are truly a religious fan of my writings and you read my other blog, perhaps you picked up before on how much the various forms of communication make me feel connected and not like I'm standing on the other side of the world, but really. I am thankful for that email and all the emails that fill my inbox. So while my thanksgiving post last year was about a huge abstract idea, this post is about a collection of the smallest seemingly insignificant things that actually mean so much. This entire experience of living here has been about teaching me to be thankful for the little things. it's so easy to be thankful for a pretty day with perfect weather and the sun shining and hard to be thankful for the fog, rain and nasty weather. here are a few examples of the things I am thankful for that you may not have even thought twice about. it's my hope that this post inspires you to not think of thanksgiving as over and that it's Christmas time but to remember that giving-thanks is everyday, all year round and is a continuous state of mind instead of a dinner celebration that comes the third Thursday of the month.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">cash back</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">waking up early</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">the satisfying feeling of productivity</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">jeans that feel looser</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">taking new shoes out of the box for the first time</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">the words "i love you" sometimes so insufficient and sometimes exactly what you need to be reminded of</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">houndstooth</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">the last sip of coffee that is always the sweetest</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">soap boxes</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">being completely enamored with a book</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">the moment when you actually can feel "the wheels" working inside your brain as your fingers fly across the keyboard</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">english tshirts on someone who most likely doesnt speak english</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">postcards</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">the doorbell ringing</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">a good bottle of wine</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">pockets</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">bright lipstick</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">a pokerface</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">the smell of gasoline</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">sheets of ice glistening under the sun</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">successfully talking and listening at the same</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">the crackling noise of a bonfire</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">hot french fries</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">rollarcoasters- figurative ones and the real thing</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">the little kisses on my calf that grey gives me</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">happy hour</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">porch swings</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">mercy</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">locks on doors</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">going someplace completely new without getting lost</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">the feeling of newspaper on your fingers</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">steam on the mirror</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">that food in the pantry you know you will never eat</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">the sound of a key turning a lock</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">catching a button before it falls off</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">my passport</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">elephants</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">making eye contact with a stranger</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">photocopies that are still warm from the machine</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">a dishwasher</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">shoes that are cute AND comfortable</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">all forms of carbohydrates</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">cookies fresh out of the oven</span>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-28604782735004714392011-12-03T15:17:00.000-08:002011-12-03T15:17:19.966-08:00hell is so close and heaven's out of reach<div style="text-align: right;">cheers to a day when i didn't do anything i was suppose to get done. </div><div style="text-align: right;">cheers to not thinking. </div><div style="text-align: right;">cheers to a bottle of wine to drown lack of thinking and doing. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to relaxing. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to breathing. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to figuring it out later. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to the Crimson Tide.</div><div style="text-align: right;">to enjoying the moment. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to being happy. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to being thankful.</div><div style="text-align: right;"> to understanding that you don't understand. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to adopting a lackadaisical attitude.</div><div style="text-align: right;">to grounding yourself by what you know beyond a doubt to be truth. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to limiting yourself to 24 hours in one day because you have no other choice.</div><div style="text-align: right;">cheers to good music that soothes your soul. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to experimenting with new words on your tongue for the first time. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to having absolutely no idea what the future holds but swallowing that fact as something acceptable.</div><div style="text-align: right;">to 12 hours of sleep.</div><div style="text-align: right;">to a great dream.</div><div style="text-align: right;">to sharing a piece of yourself with someone new for the first time and discovering something about yourself as your share it. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to adventures. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to laughing. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to falling in love all over again with a song you've already heard 118 times. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to effective and pure communication. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to reverie. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to what-ifs. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to brilliant ideas. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to terrible ideas.</div><div style="text-align: right;">to not being sorry.</div><div style="text-align: right;">to an email that brightens my entire day.</div><div style="text-align: right;">to skype dates with dear friends. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to dictating your own schedule. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to doing something rewarding. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to losing yourself in a book. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to my list of daily blessings and gifts. </div><div style="text-align: right;">to tomorrow being another day. </div><br />
tonight, on my ikea sofa-cama, i pour a third or fourth glass of wine to you.<br />
<br />
"anywhere you go, anyone you meet, remember that your eyes can be your enemy.<br />
i said, well, hell is so close and heaven's out of reach.<br />
<b>i ain't givin' up quite yet, i got too much to loose. </b><br />
hold me down, sweet and low, hold me down, and i'll carry you home.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">the rain is gonna fall, the sun is gonna shine.</span><br />
the wind is gonna blow, the water's gonna rise.<br />
she said, when that day comes, look into my eyes.<br />
no one's giving up quite yet, we got too much to loose.<br />
and i'll carry you, always.<br />
you say youre fine but you're still young and out of line.<br />
all i need is to turn around, to make it last, to make it count.<br />
im not gonna make the same mistakes that put my momma in her grave, i don't wanna be alone...<br />
hold me down, sweet and low, hold me down. sweet and low, little girl. so hold me down, and i'll carry you home."<br />
-Sweet and Low, AugustanaStephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-16156267926770659582011-11-15T05:48:00.000-08:002011-11-15T05:56:35.055-08:00eso es<div style='padding-bottom: 2px; line-height: 0px'><a href='http://pinterest.com/pin/121180269/' target='_blank'><img src='http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/29836416250827570_JgyNDZv2_c.jpg' border='0' width='511' height ='607'/></a></div><div style='float: left; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;'><p style='font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;'>Source: <a style='text-decoration: underline; font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;' href='http://witanddelight.tumblr.com/post/6053961589'>witanddelight.tumblr.com</a> via <a style='text-decoration: underline; font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;' href='http://pinterest.com/stephanieebr/' target='_blank'>Stephanie</a> on <a style='text-decoration: underline; color: #76838b;' href='http://pinterest.com' target='_blank'>Pinterest</a></p></div><br />
<div style='padding-bottom: 2px; line-height: 0px'><a href='http://pinterest.com/pin/184631347/' target='_blank'><img src='http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/210402613810730781_NVdE2sWg_c.jpg' border='0' width='467' height ='700'/></a></div><div style='float: left; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;'><p style='font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;'>Source: <a style='text-decoration: underline; font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;' href='http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lg3ox0LGxS1qft6eto1_500.jpg'>29.media.tumblr.com</a> via <a style='text-decoration: underline; font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;' href='http://pinterest.com/Zusje/' target='_blank'>Zusje</a> on <a style='text-decoration: underline; color: #76838b;' href='http://pinterest.com' target='_blank'>Pinterest</a></p></div><br />
<div style='padding-bottom: 2px; line-height: 0px'><a href='http://pinterest.com/pin/529908518/' target='_blank'><img src='http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/175007135489454941_KBl419NK_c.jpg' border='0' width='430' height ='537'/></a></div><div style='float: left; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;'><p style='font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;'>Source: <a style='text-decoration: underline; font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;' href='http://www.etsy.com/listing/49022624/mad-passionate-love-in-vintage-cream-and'>etsy.com</a> via <a style='text-decoration: underline; font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;' href='http://pinterest.com/bpsuk/' target='_blank'>Brit</a> on <a style='text-decoration: underline; color: #76838b;' href='http://pinterest.com' target='_blank'>Pinterest</a></p></div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-53997991835543005042011-11-13T09:04:00.000-08:002011-11-13T09:04:08.057-08:00who the hell did i think i was?I have had this blog for exactly a year now and it seems that the labels can indicate the topics I always lean toward in this unique journey I have allowed you as readers to join me on. In the last year, I have mistakenly blogged about things too personal, I have hurt feelings, I have attempted to describe my own feelings, I have questioned, made judgements, expressed confusion and been unable to express words but still made messy attempts to do so. It's been a wild ride this last year, but then again, that is what life is, just a ride. <div>The last few months, I haven't been able to write nearly as much as I would have liked, but I have made notes of future posts to come. Just know that even though I am not blogging on here as often, this blog has become important to me and I do not plan on deleting it or fully neglecting it anytime soon. </div><div>It seems I have blogged the most about love, more than anything else. The other labels most often tagged are friendships, Dave Matthews, change, college life. For today's blog post, look up a label that suites you and find what I said this past year on it. </div><div><br />
</div><div style="text-align: right;">"stranger than your sympathy, this is my apology...</div><div style="text-align: right;">when <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">all my fears have pushed you out.</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">i wished for things that i don't need.</span> all i wanted.</div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">what i chase won't set me free.</span> its all i wanted.</div><div style="text-align: right;">and <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">i get scared, but i am not crawling on my knees.</span></div><div style="text-align: right;">oh yeah, everything's all wrong here.</div><div style="text-align: right;">where the hell did i think i was?</div><div style="text-align: right;">stranger than your sympathy, take these things so i don't feel...</div><div style="text-align: right;">now, my head's been filled with doubt.</div><div style="text-align: right;">it's hard to lead the life you choose.</div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-size: large;">you can't see when all your dreams are coming true..</span>. </div><div style="text-align: right;">oh yeah, it's easy to forget, yeah. and you choke on the regrets.</div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">who the hell did i think i was?</span></div><div style="text-align: right;">stranger than your sympathy, all these thoughts you stole from me.</div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">i'm not sure where i belong.</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">no where's home and i'm all wrong.</span></div><div style="text-align: right;">i wasn't all the things that i tried to make believe i was, and i wouldn't be the one to kneel before the dreams i wanted, and all the talk, and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me... </div><div style="text-align: right;">stranger than your sympathy, stranger than your sympathy..." -Goo Goo Dolls, Sympathy</div><div><br />
</div><div>A song that I've had on repeat all week. I am reading <a href="http://onethousandgifts.com/tag/1000-gifts">this incredible book </a>and just trying to live up to the ambitious calls for a higher living she makes. Wow, I realize how greedy I have been with the dreams that I am chasing, realizing that some of the things I've wanted so badly are literally in my hands and I can't even be thankful for that.</div><div>You know when you have one of those days where you doubt every move you make and every decision that you've taken to get to this point? When you think, "wow, maybe I really fucked it up good this time." And then it seems like you blink, and your conscious is telling you, "It feels so good to know that I made the right decision." That voice in your head is telling you, "I listened to my heart and my mind bicker and I chose. I went for it. Good job! Sleep well tonight, Steph. Give yourself a pat on the back." this is a song for that exact moment when you hear them both, simultaneously. </div><div>the moment when you look back on yesterday or the day before, or last week, or last year and wonder, WHO THE HELL DID I THINK I WAS?</div><div>When you say, this is my apology for making the decisions that I have in case they are wrong because I have no clue what I am doing even though I try so hard to pretend like I do. My apology that I am so far from perfect even though I want to be the best version of myself at all times, i fall so short. My apology that I have been so greedy with my blessings and dream chasing. That I'm not sure where I belong and that stranger than your sympathy is the endless reverie I am drowning in from my own mind. </div><div>I get scared, but I am not crawling on my knees. </div><div><br />
</div><div>If what I chase won't set me free, then why the hell is it something I am chasing?</div>Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-33921064011914994672011-10-25T15:18:00.000-07:002011-10-26T15:40:30.811-07:00the bittersweet between my teethIf you are sick of the start-with-lyrics-then-post or post-then-end-with-lyrics typical layout of virtually every blog, well then, I'm sorry I'm not sorry. This one shall not disappoint. Here it goes. A song that's been on repeat and I didn't know why until today. Then an epiphany that had been formulating for days, weeks even completely crystalized. As I was walking down the jagged sidewalk trying to avoid stepping in something a dog had left behind, watching my breath vaporize in front of my nose and listening with a grin to <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/04/books/bossypants-by-tina-fey-review.html">Tina Fey's BossyPants</a>, I stopped and let it sink in. What had just made itself clear to me. Here's the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Olr5Bk7jm3I&ob=av2n">song</a>. I'll attempt to hold your hand through why I'm so obsessed but I'll leave other secrets to reveal themselves as they please or don't please (yes, that was a Lady & the Trap reference).<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">"We're only young and naive still.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">We require certain skills. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">The mood, it changes like the wind, hard to control when it begins.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The bittersweet between my teeth, trying to find the in-between</span>... fall back in love eventually.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">Can't help myself but count the flaws</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">claw my way out through these walls</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">one temporary escape, feel it start to permeate.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">promises, swear them to the sky...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">as it withers, brittles and shakes, can you whisper? as it crumbles and breaks.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">count up all our mistakes.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">pair of forgivers</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">let go before it's too late.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">can you whisper?"</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;"><a href="http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858832819/">-The Naked and The Famous, Young Blood</a></span></div><br />
Around 1 am approximately 7 hours before this moment on the sidewalk, I was crawling into bed feeling defeated and like I hadn't gotten enough accomplished. Convinced to accept defeat by what-is and always-is Monday, I decided to go to bed. I am incredibly happy here and in no way do I think I made the wrong decision to come here. In fact, I do not think I will EVER feel that way. But things are beginning to get a little tense and stress is building <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">(one temporary escape, feel it start to permeate</span>). I am no longer in the "honeymoon" stage of thoughts like, "Wow! A new and exciting city!" or "can't wait for an email back on what happened at work yesterday." I feel like promises made in my last few days from certain people whom I love deeply have been <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">sworn to the sky</span> and that the fears I shared with them could come true. This frightens me deeply. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">We had laid with our hands gripped tight</span> and now I'm all the way over here- an ocean and miles of land away and maybe the distance is overwhelming.<br />
Things are beginning to become real. This is becoming life.<br />
I am torn substantially between hanging onto everything and everyone from 3 weeks ago and so desperately wanting to include them in this new phase and diving into things going on here.<br />
From home, the baggage I managed to pack included friends of all shapes, colors and sizes and varying degrees of quality. I also loaded the plane with my desires and intentions to go to law school in 2012. I am now nose-deep in applications and answering the most absurd personal questions along with intellectual essays that require sessions of genius followed by writer's block and procrastination again accompanied by genius. These applications are overwhelming me, to say the least. And without the support system that I had cheering me on through my battle against the LSAT, it's even more tough. Unbeknownst to me, all the things on my plate when I boarded that direct flight to Madrid is stuck there like when you use Wal-Mart dishwashing detergent and as soon as you open the dishwasher, its apparent that off-brand just couldn't quite get the job done. This is just one example.<br />
Additionally, I gained new wonders and stressors simultaneously. Things like opening a bank account, signing a lease, obtaining a temporary foreign residence card and moving into an apartment all within a few days, overlapping with starting a job that I have absolutely no training in and incredibly rusty Spanish posed quite a challenge. I love it so far. The chaos hasn't yet caused a complete anxiety attack, but my OCD self can only handle so much so it's only a matter of time before a complete hostile-takeover begins and I attempt to start running the place. Color coding, lists, file folders, schedules and nicely typed Word documents included. I've met some really amazing people here so far. I've also encountered some sketchy people that I feel like I cannot trust at all whatsoever which illuminates loneliness I don't even know exists until the moment I am reminded of it. I've also had students that I have contemplated risking an Amanda Knox trial, thinking no one would notice if I just slapped them square across the face... On the other hand, I've had students that remind me of the nerd I was, and still am, with this glowing eagerness in their eyes that reminds me of the potential I hope others see shining equally as brightly through me.<br />
As I am navigating what I escaped to that's managed to become permanent, I am feeling things <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">crumble, break and shake.</span> Not at all in a bad way.<br />
I am here to enjoy this time. To soak in whatever adventure comes my way. To do whatever the hell I want (<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f1c232;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bossypants-Tina-Fey/dp/0316056863">and I don't care if you fucking like it</a></span>). To escape. To relax. To learn. To stay focused on what I want to be doing. And I'm realizing that I'm not sure I can do all of those things at once. I feel like the pre-October 4th Stephanie and the post-October 4th Stephanie has partially lost her ability to understand the balance between who she IS, who she WAS and who she WILL or WANTS TO BE. I am <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">trying to find the in-between</span> but I am <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #9fc5e8;">young and naive</span>.<br />
As I've said 1000 times on this blog, I have literally no CLUE what the future holds. As I marked through pages of research regarding schools realizing which ones I still know nothing about and which ones to mark as "reach" or "match" or "safety" I thought to myself for the first real time: I AM GOING TO LAW SCHOOL. I have a score that I am proud of because I worked my little white, pale ass off for it. And that's what I want. Above nearly anything else right now, what it comes down to is that's what I want. This leaves me with an eery bittersweet realization of the sacrifices that I am going to have to continue to make in order to ensure that this law school dream is realized.<br />
Everything else is going to have to fall into place afterward.<br />
And I finish this long-winded blog with begging you to read this epiphany with a grain of salt. For now, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #9fc5e8;">can you </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #9fc5e8;"> whisper</span> and assure me that I am and have been making the right choices instead of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;">counting my mistakes </span>like tallies on receipt paper lining the ceiling of an elementary classroom counting down the days until school is over. I don't have it figured out, at all, not even almost maybe.<br />
So there it is, devoted readers, Mastering The Balance of "In-Between:" Still Very Much So A Work In Progress.<br />
While I am young, naive, with bittersweet between my teeth, putting love under a stack of other paperwork, counting up mistakes and requiring certain skills, plotting my nearest escape in fear of this place becoming permanent, bear with me. Live this ever-so-strange life with me or one of us better<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc;"> let go before it's too late</span>.Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-64416588804889011012011-10-23T06:28:00.000-07:002011-10-23T06:36:18.959-07:00what's your excuse? that's right, you don't have one.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWdzJBvBBnMeKi3g9NYfPMJ0L_0kMRgIeNy-MnLf_GgooML1SoaVOCSVeFr4mgCC-D322G2e3xLelh7T9m4tDuK61FJMcF_GrVMl3DN-5RRYE0Q3jYBBgvTxFaURi7tNc9W8g_PL70Fl4/s1600/IMG_0923.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWdzJBvBBnMeKi3g9NYfPMJ0L_0kMRgIeNy-MnLf_GgooML1SoaVOCSVeFr4mgCC-D322G2e3xLelh7T9m4tDuK61FJMcF_GrVMl3DN-5RRYE0Q3jYBBgvTxFaURi7tNc9W8g_PL70Fl4/s320/IMG_0923.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><br />
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because people actually take the time to slow down and thank others whom they depend on greatly. I rely on numerous people so heavily, I am beginning to feel the hole from lack of communication with them growing and expanding. I'm starting to see people tweeting about Christmas and that's one of my biggest pet peeves. I hate how every year, without fail, people get so excited about Christmas, they forget about Thanksgiving. This year, I have challenged friends, family and strangers to do something different. To think about Thanksgiving in October and write a letter thanking the troops for their service. I posted notes on Facebook, Tweeted, and emailed to around 200 people hoping that everyone would write a letter.<br />
They have around 40,000 letters and they need 400,000. I took two days and wrote 100. You can take 5 minutes and write one. Do it. Thank someone else for a sacrifice that you could never make. Thank someone for protecting your country and your freedom.<br />
Here's all the information: http://thebertshow.com/the-bert-shows-big-thank-you/Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797002308266108828.post-47060961117713137472011-10-19T09:51:00.000-07:002011-11-03T06:58:48.248-07:00have you got it in you?it's hump day. i've had a tremendously frustrating week. it feels like "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;">tides that i tried to swim against have put me down upon my knees, oh i beg, i beg and plead. singing, come out of things unsaid...</span>" is the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d020hcWA_Wg&ob=av2n">perfect line</a> to describe my emotions. but i just decided that i'm going to get over this hump. i am going to triumph. in the following ways, i have resolved to succumb to change for the rest of the week. these are my 10 theses of sorts for not just this week, but for the next few weeks. perhaps my self-proclaimations will strike you, something you needed to be reminded of also.<br />
<br />
1. one asshole (student or elsewhere) will not ruin my mood or allow me to be phased for more than precisely 60 seconds. not a second longer.<br />
2. i will maintain a fairly normal routine. no more staying up until 4 am, even if it is to finish an<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Girl-Who-Kicked-Hornets-Nest/dp/1906694176"> incredible book </a>that i could not manage to pry from my own hands.<br />
3. in no way will a list dictate my stress level. a list exists to do the opposite- manage and control the stress level. i will not be overwhelmed by the idea of a never-ending to-do list. the to-do list is ALWAYS never-ending and never will be "complete". this week's tasks are no different.<br />
4. i will consistently breathe.<br />
5. i will force myself to express frustration and emotions to friends to provide them with a window of opportunity that i have not thus far given them.<br />
6. the tight rope hung between allowing an obstacle to challenge and inspire me versus overcome and consume me will be better balanced by combating it with optimism, sleep, a clear mind and with the help of others. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">i will seek to prove the phrase, "you can do anything you set your mind to." </span>i will refuse to forget how far i have come and how much i have already accomplished.<br />
7. no more rewarding myself with food. <a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/181994562/">i am not a dog, after all. </a><br />
8. i will be more cognizant of my own expectations and aware when they are unrealistic. my mental timeline is imaginary. this includes my insatiable desire to predict the future. which, i repeat to myself, i am incapable of doing. i cannot predict the future. more importantly, nor would i want to.<br />
9. since i am missing daily exercise, i will cave and purchase new tennis shoes. <a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/22822387/">i will go running </a>in the park just a few blocks away to clear my mind when i want to do so.<br />
10. nothing of significance occurs overnight. i will remind myself of this more regularly. take one day at a time; certain things are only worth face value and others are worth nothing at all even when considered with a grain of salt.<br />
<br />
"it takes a lot to be always on form.<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"> it takes A LOT</span></b>.<br />
i maybe not, all the time, all i've got. maybe not.<br />
it's been one of <i>those</i> days.<br />
safety first, don't push. what's the hurry?<br />
'cause one nerve remaining... have you got it in you?<br />
let me have it all, let me have a battle on.<br />
have you got it in you?"<br />
-Imogen Heap, Have You Got It In You?Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293643392820021412noreply@blogger.com1