#pleaseandthankyou

"it seems time's put a spell on me. and as seasons change, they give a taste of what is yet to come. and i know, there's no escaping change. but i try my best to think of ways to stay. it seems the hardest part is letting go. we've been living lives trying to survive all that we've known and i know nostalgia stings so deep. as lovers sighs and goodbyes bring men to their knees, i know i'll be embracing change...it seems the hardest part is letting go. when we can't see what's happening, life cuts us to the core. and if only you and i could find the best is yet to come..." - Blake Aaron Guthrie, The Hardest Part

you know, life is incredibly, absurdly beautiful and bizarre.
last night i spent some time thinking about what i want. what i want from life RIGHT NOW.
what it comes down to is, i want everything.
i want a crystal ball. actually, what i'd rather have is to stop wanting a crystal ball and to instead live completely in the moment, completely unconcerned for the uncertainty of the future.
i want to be the best version of myself that i can imagine, at all times.
i want a clean- cut plan for fixing things.
i want more than 24 hours in the day to get things done and to spend that time exactly how i choose daily.
i want for communication to be less complicated.
most definitively, there are plenty of nights where all i want is to be suspended. (obsessed with this song)
i want more patience, courage and boldness.
i want someone to walk with me on this wire from tower to tower. (song reference)
i want people to read my mind. but only sometimes.
i want light in the dark as I search for a resolution. (song reference)
i want a laundry list of things ranging from intangible and important to tangible and mundane.
i want answers to the questions that keep me awake at night.
i want to stop hitting snooze in the morning and miraculously transform into a high-functioning morning person.

but mostly, i want to let go and know that i'll be alright.
but life doesn't work like that. so, push me til i have to fly.  (reference)