my love affair with everywhere was innocent, why do you care?

Vacilando – according to glossary.com, it’s a Spanish term for the act of wandering when the experience of travel is more important than reaching the specific destination. John Steinbeck (inTravels With Charley: In Search of America, 1962) wrote: ‘In Spanish there is a word for which I can’t find a counterword in English. It is the verb vacilar, present participle vacilando. It does not mean vacillating at all. If one is vacilando, he is going somewhere, but does not greatly care whether or not he gets there, although he has direction.’

Facebook wall posts, excuse me, TIMELINE posts, that say things like, (and I quote) "update your blog you whore." make me feel happy inside and that you people actually care about what i do and do not write. So here is my blog post. Apparently, it is Spanish tradition to talk about what you expect to happen in the next year of your life around your birthday. It's like New Years Resolutions, except, not. In my 23rd year of living, what do I expect to happen? Well, in fact, this is a spectacular question. As mentioned in my previous post, I really have no clue what will happen in this next year. But I am beginning to think that is better than having all these expectations and then being heart broken when I realize, AGAIN, that I had no idea what was actually the best for me but that miraculously, things worked out better than ever possibly expected.
I have discovered in the past month or so that one of the most difficult yet interesting things to do is to reveal yourself to someone. And this is one of my new least favorite and favorite past times. Each time such an opportunity arises to learn about someone else, you get to learn about yourself too. And its awesome. There was a quote from 30 Rock when Liz Lemon says, "I wish when you first met someone they could just tell you all their weird quirks up front so you didnt have to discover each layer on your own, getting more and more sour with each one." (something along these lines) and sometimes, I agree, I wish it was that easy, but other times, I think about the beauty of someone who really KNOWS you, and that's nothing I could have ever handed someone on a silver platter, no matter how hard I tried. For example, I was super sick earlier this week and friends berated me about getting rest, hydrating, going to the doctor, skipping work, etc. All demands without substantial encouragement and coercion I seem to be incapable of following on my own. I'm not really sure where this was going, or if it ever even had a direction, other than just to say, that I have loved letting someone else inside, if even only just for a few seconds to selfishly discover new things about myself. And it's true, I form in wet sand. Or so, I am completely convinced.

"My shadows side so amplified, keeps coming back so dissatisfied

My love affair with everywhere was innocent, why do you care?

My sunny side is up and died

I'm betting that when we collide the universe will shift into a low

My what a good day for a walk outside

I like to get to know you little better baby

God knows that I really tried

I saw you there so unaware those hummingbirds all in your hair

The disrepair of norma Jean could not compare to your routine

My what a good day for a let it slide

I'd like to say we did it for the better of...

Right on the verge just one more dose

I'm travelling from coast to coast

My theory isn't perfect but it's close

I'm almost there why should I care

My heart is hurting when I share

Someone open up Let it show

I thought about it and I brought it out

                                I'm motivated by the lack of doubt

I'm consecrated but I'm not devout

The mother, the father, the daughter

You don't form in the wet sand,

You don't form at all

Woah you don't form in the wet sand,

I do"

-Red Hot Chili Peppers, Wet Sand