thank you terror, thank you disillusionment, thank you frailty, thank you consequence, thank you CLARITY

As I was driving to a friend's family's house for thanksgiving, I was thinking, "What am I really thankful for?" Well, of course I am thankful for many things. Good health, my wonderful father, my amazing friends who keep me breathing, and for all of the hundreds of ways that I am so incredibly blessed. But as these words were sung over my speakers in my car, I had a large realization. 

I am most thankful for this journey.

And if I have to, I'll listen to these songs and read and re-read these quotes every day until I actually believe their words. It's my hope that my readers in similar uncertainty, help me thrive in this "delicious ambiguity" and find encouragement in the words of others who have been right here with us, plenty of times. 

I don't have it figured out, but that's perfectly fine.

Darling, nothing ever goes exactly how you planned it

I guess I've been here long enough to see

That time can be your dearest friend

Or time can be a bandit

When tomorrow changes into history

And oh my my, honey everybody dies

But you got, you got to see

That you can live your life walking in a straight line

But it's more than just A to B

Maybe it'll find you lying peaceful under blankets

Or bleeding at the bottom of the stairs

Oh but it's not when or how you go

It's life and what you make it

It's the traveling, not the road that gets you there.

(Matt Hires, A to B)

“Some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity…” –gilda radner

Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on the tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride…

happiness  is a JOURNEY, not a destination. for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. but there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. happiness is the way. so treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. -Souza 

i beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. do not search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. -rilke 

I'm broke but I'm happy, I'm poor but I'm kind

I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah

I'm high but I'm grounded, 

I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed

I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby

I feel drunk but I'm sober, I'm young and I'm underpaid

I'm tired but I'm working, yeah

I care but I'm restless, I'm here but I'm really gone

I'm free but I'm focused,

I'm green but I'm wise

I'm hard but I'm friendly, baby

I'm sad but I'm laughing,

I'm brave but I'm chicken shit,

I'm sick but I'm pretty, baby

What it all comes down to

Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet

but everything is gonna be fine, fine, fine.

'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is giving a peace sign

And what it all boils down to

Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet

And what it all comes down to, my friends, yeah

Is that everything is just fine, fine, fine.

(Alanis Morissette, Hand In My Pocket)