maybe you'll dance the funky chicken at your 75th wedding anniversary

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by

scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable

than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not

understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as

effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing

bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that

never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm

on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with

people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy;

Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe

you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…

Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the

people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few, you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths; prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

-Mary Schmich, a columnist with the Chicago Tribune, 1977

Watch Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

lesson in itself

stop anything and everything you are doing and read this.
an exceptional article incredibly insightful, truthful, gut-wrenchingly honest and exactly how I felt on these days. written by a friend and colleague whom I am incredibly proud of. ever since i have known him, he has been intelligent beyond his years and possessed strength unlike thousands of people that I know. it was an honor to walk across the stage just a few people behind him, even if we walked across that stage three months too late. i firmly believe it is crucial to have friends and influences in your life that inspire you and Alan Blinder is certainly one of those people for me, though he probably wouldn't come up with my name on a list of his first 100 closest friends.
I agree whole-heartedly that even though the following link is wonderful journalism, those affected will not be able to move on anytime soon and those unaffected will never be able to fully understand.
it gave me shivers to be within ten feet of seeing the grief on those families faces and to know that it could have just as easily been my family accepting my diploma. that gives me chills to think about. i am blessed. grateful. and attempting to move on.
Tuscaloosa did indeed become a lesson in itself.

Read the full article here.

Another great article mentioning two of my pledge sisters and showing one of the most emotional moments of my life, as well as emotionally challenging for all spectators in that Coliseum- Read on HERE.

has it really been 3 years?

People work too hard to figure out the meaning of their lives. Why me, why now. The truth is, sometimes things don’t happen to you for a reason. Sometimes it’s just about being in the right place at the right time for someone else.” –Jodi Picoult, Second Glance

Some items on the to-do list get marked off right away, other items hover waiting for the to-list maker to have the will power, the courage or the ability to complete them. it's so easy to think about someone or something and let it pass by without action. though i don't usually post really personal stuff on my blog, i think that this is important, so stick with me. 

certain memories in my life stand out very clear, like they happened yesterday. i was standing in this small hotel bathroom in Odessa, Texas staring at myself in the mirror with a steaming hot curling iron in hand. my reverie was broken by what i thought was an extra precautionary alarm going off again. to my surprise, i looked down at the phone and i was receiving a phone call from a dear friend of mine at the time. thinking that she just wanted to wish my luck for the brutal day ahead, i answered. she sternly told me to sit down. all i could think was, "i'm burying my mother today, what the hell is she going to tell me that's going to make this day any worse?!" and that's when she explained that a horrible plane crash took the life of one of my best friends. this girl had been one of the first people i met in the horrid week called Sorority Recruitment. she had laughed at everything and had an incredible attitude. we clicked. she was one of the first people i told at alabama that my mom had cancer because she found me crying in the dorm room hall. we listened to Dave together. we went to fraternity parties and had our red solo cups filled by pledges with delicious pink panty pulldowns. all summer, she had kept up with me and how my mom was doing. she was going to book her flight to atlanta to come visit as soon as she got back from alabama. In fact, when I got back from Texas, I had flowers waiting for me at my house that she had sent the day she died.

i think about Lauren everyday. not only do i miss the ability to pick up the phone and call her, i wonder if she would be graduating with me on Saturday, i wished for her as a refuge in harder times this past year and i am graciously reminded of her fun-loving spirit, how loving of a friend she was and her incredible zeal for life every time i pass her picture on my dresser and every time i call my dog by her full name, named after Lauren's last name and nickname. 

Graduation next week is going to be bittersweet because it was suppose to be in May but this little f5 tornado ruined that. graduation is going to be odd because close friends that were planning to come in May will no longer be able to attend. it will be odd to be in tuscaloosa without a home. i already have my diploma. but most importantly, graduation is going to be bittersweet because in the last three years, I have lost two people that meant so much to me. And no matter what, it's going to be weird without them there.

I have been meaning to call Lauren's family since... well, since, May. On several occasions I've spoken to her mother and she is an incredible woman. For no good reason, something less important has gotten in the way of making that phone call. Walking Grey Brue today, i pulled out my phone and dialed Mrs. Brue. The call only lasted 17 minutes, but it was perfect. Just touching base felt amazing. Letting her know that I still think about Lauren, that I still think about her, I could tell meant a lot to her. And she told me the same. That this picture of Lauren and I is sitting on her dresser. 

Sometimes you don't do things for yourself, you do them for someone else. Sometimes you get a nice mix of both. All this to say, the next time the idea of doing something nice for someone else crosses your mind, don't let it go. Force yourself to do it, no matter how tough it seems. Make reminding someone that you care about them a priority. You may find that doing something selfLESS has incredibly selfISH rewards. Thanks for reading, I hope you found it inspiring, or at least something like it.

when we're wounded together

i have been silent on Facebook, Twitter, this blog, my personal journal. i am in repair amidst a beautiful mess. i am in recovery mode. too many corners in my mind. so much to do to set my heart right. i'm not together, but i am getting there.
   thankfully, all the stuff that i think i need was avoided by the mouth of the tornado. i feel too lucky and too blessed to complain about how the last weeks of my senior year evaporated while i sat in the basement thinking about what a waste of my time this tornado warning was. i walked up the stairs still ignorant and ten minutes later, i was wondering if my friends on fifteenth street were alive. i didn't know tornados actually picked up houses and killed people like in the fucking Wizard of Oz. but, this indeed does happen and it has across the south. the destruction and damage goes beyond the ruined houses, buildings, families, injured, deaths and seeps into emotions that cannot be described.
     these past few days though, i have witnessed broken people helping in unimaginable ways. i have seen a community so tightly bound together determined to rebuild stronger. needs have not only been met, but have been exceeded. the donation locations are over-flooded with clothing. i've been amazed. its a beautiful mess. in the oddest way, there is much more than pain and hurt when you drive through the hardest hit areas. there is resilience as expressed by the mayor. there is beauty. strength. i walked around in awe, submerged in (the) contradictions.
to those who helped volunteer, who donated their "precious stuff," their time and their money, to those who were affected, who prayed, who offered kind words to ease hurt, you have done more than you know. the seeds that you have planted make a larger difference than you will ever know. i have been amazed by you. i have watched and been encouraged to join in your courage and faith. your efforts go against the selfish norm. like picking up trash in dresses.
     driving home from Tuscaloosa after taking every ounce of evidence that i ever once lived in that little apartment, i stumbled upon this older song and played it on repeat for almost an hour. i can't help but thinking that Tuscaloosa and those who love the town are a beautiful mess.
it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write, turn themselves into knives. the happy graduation wishes are received with salt, bitterness, while images of the storm fill my mind. it was never suppose to be like this.
   it's okay to be strong but needy. humble but greedy. because i know that (my) mind is rather reckless. well, i guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is. hey, what a beautiful mess this is... and I have to believe that in this madness, there's no shame in being crazy. 
i love what he sings triumphantly at the end. shit happens. times change. hearts break. but it's no big deal. it's nothing we can't handle when we are wounded together. and isn't that exactly what we are? wounded but TOGETHER?
so as i feel the burden of describing how bad it is, i can find comfort in my friends and foundation who is all experiencing exactly what i am. because here we are. two days after what was suppose to be our graduation after a week completely different than what we had ever envisioned. and from here, we WILL heal. together.

through TIMELESS words and PRICELESS pictures, we'll FLY like birds out of this Earth.
and times, they turn. and hearts disfigure.
but that's no concern when we're wounded together.


here we are. we're still here. we are waiting closure. and we will get it. we will get praise for our efforts and our hard work and our impressive accomplishments because we deserve it. and we will continue to love, pray, support in all ways possible for as long as needed and even after. this spirit must carry through for months to come as we save ourselves and start again. and when we do get that closure and when we start healing, we will confidently say, the wait was so worth it.
thanks for reading this novel of a post and i hope it provided you with some comfort. i am still fighting urges to lament about how unfair all of this is from every single angle. i still have not cried. but i have to believe that we will understand why this happened in the end and that it's all going to work out more beautifully than we could have constructed on our own.
John Mayer says in the video link posted above, "the lyric idea for In Repair came from this kind of knowledge about the way people are. that we're always either on the way down or on the way up and you never really enjoy the moment when it's all put together 'cause it probably never really is. those moments where things come apart is only setting you up for that moment when you put it back together again. and you're so surprised that it's coming back together again. so there's this beauty of the idea of being in repair."

no place in mind, we shall arrive

Today, one of my professors said to a large group of seniors and freshman, "Don't worry about where you're going, because you don't even know." I thought to myself, wow, that's really inspirational. Then I thought, wait a minute. That scares the SHIT out of me. So I dont know where i am going. But that's okay. Because, with no where in mind, we shall arrive. and look up Joey Ryan because he is great. I'm convicted that from my small corner of the world I should shamelessly promote singer songwriters that deserve the spotlight. 

i left you to your own devices with failures weighing on your mind.

like a seed denied the water needed, you're wilted now, all but defeated.

worry not you told me, but i've seen unfold this story. 

strong and steady be your will, leaves your battered body cold and still. 

and i know, you know you need me now. my hand is soft and strong held out for yours to grasp it firm and scream you'll never let it go.

up the asphalt, back in time, no place in mind, we shall arrive.

its better to be on your way than sit and stay and melt away.

and i know, you know you need me now. 

my hand is soft and strong held out for yours to grasp it firm and scream that you'll never let it go. 

listen, i know you know that all along you're scared to hit the end head on.

 so place your weary hand in mine and don't you ever let it go.

cause even as your path may wind, keep me always on your mind.

open ward your heart to me, be not the door that has no key. 

make it good your chance at life, no where in mind, we shall arrive.

-Joey Ryan, We Shall Arrive

To the next person that asks, this is my public proclamation and warning, "What are you doing after graduation?" you WILL be slapped. so just, don't ask. i get very cranky almost instantaneously at such questions. and i might respond with, "i'm sorry, did you plan to be overweight and working at the student health center that is a complete joke of a medical facility at Alabama when you were 22? oh, you didn't? so, how the hell should I know?" thanks. 

we should be rioting in the streets!

First, I'd like to begin with the exception that lies in the great program of New College, which I love very much and visibly see a difference in combating and recovering against many of the issues I am about to discuss.
Quotes are taken from the introduction and chapters 7 and 8 of Beer And Circus, found here. While inspiration has come from numerous discussions over the past two years in classes I've taken.

"This place is a four year party-- one long tailgater--with an $18,000 annual cover charge." -Junior at a large university

Reasons why my undergraduate degree is bullshit:
1. The Good Researcher = The Good Teacher Myth
Due to the notoriety, PR, and money that can be found in research for large universities, universities are seeking good researchers. Not good teachers. "Scholarly productivity and instructional effectiveness have less than 2 percent... in common." If all the professors are putting their energy and time into doing research... where do they do it? Because it sure as hell isn't in their offices.
2. The Sheer Numbers
Thanks to increasing capitalism, the growing number of students going TO college now, the gigantic class size and the diminishing teacher to student ratio the universities are attempting new methods of instruction. The lecture style of teaching is research-proven completely ineffective for the average student. Less than 25% of classes are actually taught by the tenured faculty members due to help from teachers that barely speak English, graduate assistants and "gypsies" who are nomadic professors who only hang around a particular university for a limited amount of time. This leads to essentially zero teacher-student interaction. "In a 1980 study, the Carnegie Foundation determined that at research universities, only 9 percent of the faculty spent more than eleven hours a week teaching undergraduates, whereas 65% logged less than ten hours a week in this endeavor, and 26% spent ZERO hours on undergraduate teaching (two decades later, there is even less classroom contact between faculty and undergraduates, particularly between faculty and nonhonors students)."
The college education is becoming less about the things students are learning and more about the "experience behind it all" such as the...
3. Beer And Circus: "many universities, because of their research and graduate programs, and because of their inability to provide quality undergraduate education to most of their students, spend increasing amounts of money on their athletic departments, and use big-time college sports--commercial entertainment around which many undergraduates organize their hyperactive social lives--to keep their students happy and distracted and the tuition dollars rolling in." The beer and circus is the party life associated with the sports (namely, football) that students perpetuate IS college.
4. Grade Inflation- the nonsense of a gpa, the teacher/ta discretion, and the pressure put on professors that not too many students can fail nor can a certain amount of students receive A's
5. Apathy- clearly caused by both students and faculty- the uninformed don't care, the informed either do care but feel powerless or don't care either.
6. Degree = "Hula Hoop"  jump through this one, get onto the next one. Now, a graduate degree is what the undergrad degree use to be, and a high school diploma is commonplace. Thank you two years of prerequisites for nothing. Thank you, two years of classes that have meant something to my future, maybe. ish.

So, what DOES the University value? Well, the flow. This working cycle. the influx. The students are still enrolling, the parents are pleased enough to pay the bill, the alumni are sending in checks, the locals are tailgating, and the PR is making it all look plain and dandy on the surface. the value comes in that its all working just fine.

I'd like to expand on some of the points above, and keep rambling about this new-found soapbox of mine while simultaneously advocating for small liberal arts programs such as New College, but I really need to get ready for my sorority cocktail party tonight... I have to do my hair, my makeup. But first, make a drink.
Time to switch to indie music and put on some rap to start the prega....