journey

Source: muchlove-anna.blogspot.com via Stephanie on Pinterest

Source: google.com via Stephanie on Pinterest

well, i knew what i didn't want to know
and i saw where i didn't want to go
so i took the path less traveled on
and i let my stories be whispered when I'm gone
when I'm gone
well in this life, you must find something to live for
'cause when the darkness comes a-callin' you go back to where you were before
'cause this life is as fragile as a dream
and nothing's ever really as it seems
as it seems
well i lost my innocence one day, when in i let him dive
but the way that he looked at me made me feel alive
and now i know nothing at all but the release that comes when you're in mid fall
in mid fall
in mid fall
cause in this life, you must find something to live for...
-Lily Kershaw, As It Seems

Sometimes, a song strikes me to the core no matter how many times I have heard it before. And its a clear visceral response that I can feel where my heart and mind simultaneously agree, "yes, thats it! thats exactly how we feel." I don't know if songs affect you that way, but lyrics are certainly one of my favorite languages when my own fails me. The past few weeks I have had so much on my mind, such weight on my shoulders while simultaneously traveling substantially. It's been a total roller coaster ride. At this point, these days are all about managing the highs and lows and ordering them to balance out. I have been thinking about the future of this blog and whether or not I will continue to maintain it. In September will be the blogs second anniversary. I am quite confident I will not have much time to dedicate to its postings next year while I have my nose buried in a book and selfishly, since I am unaware of who reads it if anyone, I cannot help but thinking my time will be better spent in the upcoming months dedicating time to my own journals and my travel blog (www.defineyourdestination.blogspot.com). That being said, if there is demand, there will be future posts and if there is no demand, this blog will probably be rarely updated. There is inspiration and ideas for great posts and not enough time or drive to see them through. This blog has been near and dear to my heart. It's posts contain raw thoughts and emotions with words direct heart strings and my opinion as precisely as I could have expressed it.

I hope that whatever reservations usually keep you from commenting, that if you were ever to leave a comment, it would be on this post. Otherwise, readers from wherever in the world that you are reading, it's been quite a journey. And journeys are one of my favorite things. It's certainly one hell of one I am on. And I wish you nothing but the best on yours.

With love,
Stephanie

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regular tourist

i pledge to journal more religiously and to journal especially religiously while i am going through large life transitions. like anytime that i ever revisit my journals, i notice how much is missing and how amazing it is to reread my feelings and thoughts and how far i have come since that moment. after a three hour search party scouring my entire house, i managed to find the two small journals that hold in its pages the stories from my wonderful summer in Spain last year. it's a cool feeling to ask if I will ever see some of those people again and to wonder when I will be back in Spain. it's amazing how it's all come together so gloriously.
i have enjoyed having this blog, but nothing compares to the chronicles of my mistakes, feelings, happenings, choices, contemplations and everything in between. since i journaled for almost 2 hours tonight and finished the journal given to me by a dear friend that I started in April when days were chalk-full of uncertainty, doubt, confusion and insanity, it only seemed appropriate to have a journal-centered post.
writing is so therapeutic. if you don't believe me, you should try it. then you can tell me i am wrong. like every other woman, i love being told that i am wrong. kidding. but seriously, i'd be shocked if you tried it and you didn't agree. consider this a free therapy session where writing for 30 minutes straight is your first homework assignment.

on the front of the second journal is this quote and it will again be relevant on my upcoming extended European journey that can't seem to get here fast enough.

"This European air, it always warms my face.

I will bring you stories and bleary-eyed photos like a regular tourist. 

We don't go breaking down. 

I feel like nothing ever will.

And we'll embrace our time away."

-Athlete, Tourist