forget about the pricetag

Recently there are several huge themes that have become increasingly apparent in my circle of friends. One of them is a constant chat about not having the money for this or that. I get it. Money is a huge limitation. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Now that many of us are on our own (or at least about to be), we are forced to think about things like a budget and what our costs of living are. The magic little squares of plastic in our wallets have lost their magic now that the bill is paid from our own bank accounts. In light of being financially independent and responsible, I’d like to offer a counter point of view. I love this song that’s in iTunes top 100 right now- because how true are these lyrics? “Money can’t buy us happiness. Can we all slow down and enjoy right now? Guarantee we’ll be feeling alright… You can’t put a price on life.” This incredible stage of life where we are young with little to hold us back, we’ve got to make the most of it, regardless of the cost. What you would do if money wasn’t a limitation? How would you use it? Tonight I imagined a dream budget with plenty of extra to give to charities, to spend on hobbies and other past times I enjoy, to entertain friends, to spoil friends with random gifts and surprises, to occasionally treat myself to a massage when its been a long week, I’d only eat locally and organic grown food, to ensure my children can go to the schools of their dreams, to explore the world and check off items from my bucket list… what things would be categories in your dream budget?

Think about your favorite memories. Now try to estimate what the memory cost. Wouldn’t you likely agree that it is ultimately priceless? When I think about some of the times in my life that I was the absolute happiest, it wasn’t always doing something extravagant that cost a lot of money. It’s late nights talking with a beloved pledge sister telling stories from our childhood and laughing til we cried while we were suppose to be studying for an exam the next day. In order to successfully accomplish living with no regrets, you’ve got to seize every opportunity that you have. You have to take some risks, which is probably going to involve dishing out more cash than you might be comfortable with. But I promise you that if you spontaneously decide to go to Miami for the weekend (which a dear friend of mine decided to do a few weeks ago) that in five years you won’t be able to tell anyone the cost of the plane ticket. In fact, you probably won’t even remember the cost of that ticket in two years. But you will remember the awesome times that you had.

Maybe next time you hear this song on the radio,  you won’t just hear it; you’ll listen to what it is actually saying. It makes an excellent, thought-provoking point unlike a majority of the fluff on the radio.

“Money is only paper, only ink. We’ll destroy ourselves if we can’t agree.” –Tracy Chapman

If we have that attitude, Tracy Chapman sings that the rest of the world will fall into place, piece by piece. Like most things in life, it’s about striking that balance. 

they'll only be there til you're dead, so DREAM.

“Go CONFIDENTLY in the direction of your dreams! 

Live the life you’ve imagined” –Thoreau

Every morning when I sat up in my bed in my old apartment, the wall facing me held a canvas with the above quote. Naturally, I got use to its presence, so it didn't always serve the purpose of encouraging me to follow my dreams and do what I want to do, taking whatever steps I needed to get there. That's not easy to do. 
I've taken on a deep adoration for Fleetwood Mac's line,

 "Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?"
 I do. I have A LOT of dreams I'd like to sell. 
It surely would make things easier. 

Walking through the streets two weeks ago, I stumbled upon a group of musicians who were passionately playing this awesome music. These men were smiling, so incredibly happy to be doing what they loved. I stood and watched in awe as i let these thoughts settle over me. They had a HUGE crowd gathered around to watch and listen. People from the surrounding streets were  eager to join these talented individuals sharing their passion with others. there was this magnetic energy surrounding these guys and it was thrilling to watch. After several minutes, I walked away and continued onto my intended destination. Astoundingly, when I walked by five hours later, these guys were still at it. There was still a sizable circle around them, eyes glued with smiles painted on their faces. A few kids were even dancing along. I firmly believe that even if there hadn't been almost 100 people standing there, this group would have still been playing proudly with just as much energy. What a statement! 

Street musicians are generally looked down on, ignored, seen as a nuissance or whatever. There are huge misconceptions about poverty across the world. But I have a new-found appreciation for these musicians and the artists you see. Who knows, maybe they could be a lawyer or doctor but choose to do this because it's what their passionate about. More power to them. Since I can't sell my dreams or manage to forget about them, I will take a lesson from these guys and trust that if I do something I love, I will be happy. I will draw others to me as well. Everything else will fall in line after that.

A few days ago, I encountered a woman who pointedly questioned my intelligence, my background, my family and in the process insulted me more deeply than I have ever been insulted before. She boldly argued that I had no dreams and that if I did have dreams, I would be walking toward them on a straight and narrow path. I beg to differ. I do not think that the path is straight. Well, at least not any interesting path. I think my path has curves, bridges, waterfalls, concrete, yellow bricks and will lead me all kinds of adventures. Dreams are like the road signs that guide you and get you to wherever you want to be  headed. Luckily for this woman, I started thinking about the dreams that I have had throughout my life. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a veterinarian. Or more specifically, one day my six year-old self  told my mother, "a dancing pig doctor." As a kid, I would play teacher for hours on end by myself upstairs. True. Thanks for almost 11 years of dancing, choreographing, directing plays, stage managing and acting, I would do anything to be on Broadway. Ever since my first trip to Paris, I've wanted to travel the world. Every summer day for several years, I watched ER at 10 am and 11 am which made me want to be an ER surgeon like George Clooney. With my mission trips and commitment to the refugees in Vienna, Austria, it is a deeply rooted dream of mine to support that mission monthly from my own paycheck. Languages captivate me. I dream of being bilingual and raising my children bilingual. 

In the scene between the window frame 
Where the jackals preyed on every soul
Where they tied you to a pole 
And stripped you of your clothes
I was a dreamer, staring at windows
Out onto the main street cause that's where the dream goes
And each time they found fresh meat to chew
I would turn away and return to you
You would offer me your unmade bed
Feed me till I'm fed, read me till I'm read
But when the morning came
You would catch me at the window again...
And when I got older, when I grew bolder
Out onto the streets I flew
Released from your shackles
I danced with the jackals
And learned a new way to move
So before you take this song as truthYou should wonder what I'm taking from you, how I benefit from you being here
Lending me your ears while I'm selling you my fears...

-Becoming A Jackel, Villagers

I realize that my dreams have changed a lot if I think about the different ones that I have had over my lifetime, but I have not forgotten them. "Don't lose the dreams inside your head, they'll only be there til your dead. So dream, little darling, DREAM." (Dave Matthews) I have gone from thinking about them in almost a fantasizing manner [staring out of windows onto the street where the dreams go] to actually realizing them- BECOMING these dreams [out onto the street i flew, released from your shackels, i danced with the jackals], one step at a time.  

I cannot forget them, I cannot sell them, so I must ensure that I am actively, passionately and CONFIDENTLY chasing my dreams. I will ensure that I am supporting my friends and encouraging them to do the same. Let's stop staring out of the window and join in!

Blanche Devereaux was my idol for like, six straight years.

“Memories are like a still life painted by ten different student artists: some will be blue-based; others red; some will be as stark as Picasso and others as rich as Rembrandt; some will be foreshortened and others distant. Recollections are in the eye of the beholder; no two held up side by side will ever quite match.” –Jodi Picoult, Vanishing Acts

“There’s nothing wrong

with holding onto a memory. 

Sometimes, its all we have to hold onto.”

 –Golden Girls 

This is a quote by one of my favorite authors that came to mind when I was reading the pages of ethnographic reflection on the “intimate ethnography” conducted on Waterson and Rylko-Bauer’s parents. Memories have always been a particularly interesting concept to me because I have experienced a significant amount of loss in my short 21 years. I have always found refuge in pictures to recall memories and held onto memories because its okay if they’re all you have left to hold onto. Since Mom died two years ago, I have adopted the idea that a memory is yours, and only yours. There is significance in remembering details or events “incorrectly” because to you- it’s your own truth. Only your version really matters. 
I think a historian’s job is to collect accurate details, but an ethnographer’s main concern should be of the details conveyed by the subjects or the details witnessed first hand. There really is no true subjectivity. And I agree with these authors that this is where ethnography becomes art. To some degree, I think everyone has a significant story that they can offer regarding their unique life experiences and lessons learned. I believe this is one of the reasons why blogs have become so popular. The Internet offers a venue for a person to relay their memories, stories, advice, opinion, and photos to tell whoever wishes to read with very little likelihood of a harsh critique for “truthfulness” or accuracy. Of course there are blogs where truth plays a large role- for example a blog promoting a certain product for a business or a political blog would both require scrutiny for truth. However, the majority of blogs are just average people recording their thoughts and longing for their story to be told. In this, I am just like all the other bloggers out there, seeking validation, recourse or rejection for the thoughts I have and the things that I feel.

"And I tell myself that whoever says he has finished a painting is terribly arrogant. Finished means complete, perfect, and I am working hard without moving ahead, searching, feeling my way without achieving much..."

--Claude Monet

melancholy procrastination

things i miss/am craving/NEED in my life right now

cappuccino con canela (Florence, Italy)

Agua de Sevilla (T de Triana- Sevilla, Spain)

Saturday errands with my Momma (Roswell, GA)

Patricia's jelly (Florence, Italy)

my Jetta that smelled like crayons

Nokia with Snake

student directing
the IMPACT-O-MATIC (Lipscomb University, Nashville, TN)

cross-stitching

The Burt Show

SNAP

Nip/Tuck

Gerber Daisies

Triolade Milka Chocolate (Europe)

Lucian P. Smith (The Boys Next Door)

Girl Scout cookies with Sparkling White Grape Juice- perfect bad day cure
exec meetings crammed in the little office on the floor

recess 

being wildly-madly-cannot-breathe-in love

Mom's beef stroganoff 

95.5 the beat

coloring books

tap

Almduler (Vienna, Austria)

The Roxy (Times Square, New York City, NY)

those peach flavored hard candies (Hartsfield-Jackson Airport, ATL)

scuba diving mesmerized while time is completely frozen

LOST

GAC macaroni and cheese

Sangria sailboat (Lagos, Portugal)

Lizzy's Honda with the bright colored lei 

snow piled so high outside you can make a huge snow fort (Salt Lake City, Utah)

pledge parties at Dexter's

sexy motherfucker (JJ's Cathedral- Florence, Italy)

Spanish sliding off my tongue like hard candy

Royal Red shrimp

making up our own choreography to Spice Girls and boy bands

Jodi Picoult book so good- you-can't put it down

ice skating birthday parties

croquettas (Spain)

the excitement waiting for AOL to dial up and make all those weird noises

afternoons hanging out in the GAC parking lot

"we are grown, but cannot see. lost our world of make-believe. simple times now seem so far... use to be in my backyard. yeah, the world was still in my backyard. but we are okay, we are alright. we sing very loud. yeah, we're singing, we are okay. we are alright. close our eyes, close our mouth yeah, we shut our eyes though we're in doubt. and so it goes, we can never seem to find the time we lost though we try at any cost. we try...but we are okay, we are alright. " -Joshua Radin, "We Are Okay"