journey

Source: muchlove-anna.blogspot.com via Stephanie on Pinterest

Source: google.com via Stephanie on Pinterest

well, i knew what i didn't want to know
and i saw where i didn't want to go
so i took the path less traveled on
and i let my stories be whispered when I'm gone
when I'm gone
well in this life, you must find something to live for
'cause when the darkness comes a-callin' you go back to where you were before
'cause this life is as fragile as a dream
and nothing's ever really as it seems
as it seems
well i lost my innocence one day, when in i let him dive
but the way that he looked at me made me feel alive
and now i know nothing at all but the release that comes when you're in mid fall
in mid fall
in mid fall
cause in this life, you must find something to live for...
-Lily Kershaw, As It Seems

Sometimes, a song strikes me to the core no matter how many times I have heard it before. And its a clear visceral response that I can feel where my heart and mind simultaneously agree, "yes, thats it! thats exactly how we feel." I don't know if songs affect you that way, but lyrics are certainly one of my favorite languages when my own fails me. The past few weeks I have had so much on my mind, such weight on my shoulders while simultaneously traveling substantially. It's been a total roller coaster ride. At this point, these days are all about managing the highs and lows and ordering them to balance out. I have been thinking about the future of this blog and whether or not I will continue to maintain it. In September will be the blogs second anniversary. I am quite confident I will not have much time to dedicate to its postings next year while I have my nose buried in a book and selfishly, since I am unaware of who reads it if anyone, I cannot help but thinking my time will be better spent in the upcoming months dedicating time to my own journals and my travel blog (www.defineyourdestination.blogspot.com). That being said, if there is demand, there will be future posts and if there is no demand, this blog will probably be rarely updated. There is inspiration and ideas for great posts and not enough time or drive to see them through. This blog has been near and dear to my heart. It's posts contain raw thoughts and emotions with words direct heart strings and my opinion as precisely as I could have expressed it.

I hope that whatever reservations usually keep you from commenting, that if you were ever to leave a comment, it would be on this post. Otherwise, readers from wherever in the world that you are reading, it's been quite a journey. And journeys are one of my favorite things. It's certainly one hell of one I am on. And I wish you nothing but the best on yours.

With love,
Stephanie

Source: ohthelovelythings.blogspot.com via Stephanie on Pinterest

Source: colorolamente.tumblr.com via Stephanie on Pinterest

my love affair with everywhere was innocent, why do you care?

Vacilando – according to glossary.com, it’s a Spanish term for the act of wandering when the experience of travel is more important than reaching the specific destination. John Steinbeck (inTravels With Charley: In Search of America, 1962) wrote: ‘In Spanish there is a word for which I can’t find a counterword in English. It is the verb vacilar, present participle vacilando. It does not mean vacillating at all. If one is vacilando, he is going somewhere, but does not greatly care whether or not he gets there, although he has direction.’

Facebook wall posts, excuse me, TIMELINE posts, that say things like, (and I quote) "update your blog you whore." make me feel happy inside and that you people actually care about what i do and do not write. So here is my blog post. Apparently, it is Spanish tradition to talk about what you expect to happen in the next year of your life around your birthday. It's like New Years Resolutions, except, not. In my 23rd year of living, what do I expect to happen? Well, in fact, this is a spectacular question. As mentioned in my previous post, I really have no clue what will happen in this next year. But I am beginning to think that is better than having all these expectations and then being heart broken when I realize, AGAIN, that I had no idea what was actually the best for me but that miraculously, things worked out better than ever possibly expected.
I have discovered in the past month or so that one of the most difficult yet interesting things to do is to reveal yourself to someone. And this is one of my new least favorite and favorite past times. Each time such an opportunity arises to learn about someone else, you get to learn about yourself too. And its awesome. There was a quote from 30 Rock when Liz Lemon says, "I wish when you first met someone they could just tell you all their weird quirks up front so you didnt have to discover each layer on your own, getting more and more sour with each one." (something along these lines) and sometimes, I agree, I wish it was that easy, but other times, I think about the beauty of someone who really KNOWS you, and that's nothing I could have ever handed someone on a silver platter, no matter how hard I tried. For example, I was super sick earlier this week and friends berated me about getting rest, hydrating, going to the doctor, skipping work, etc. All demands without substantial encouragement and coercion I seem to be incapable of following on my own. I'm not really sure where this was going, or if it ever even had a direction, other than just to say, that I have loved letting someone else inside, if even only just for a few seconds to selfishly discover new things about myself. And it's true, I form in wet sand. Or so, I am completely convinced.

"My shadows side so amplified, keeps coming back so dissatisfied

My love affair with everywhere was innocent, why do you care?

My sunny side is up and died

I'm betting that when we collide the universe will shift into a low

My what a good day for a walk outside

I like to get to know you little better baby

God knows that I really tried

I saw you there so unaware those hummingbirds all in your hair

The disrepair of norma Jean could not compare to your routine

My what a good day for a let it slide

I'd like to say we did it for the better of...

Right on the verge just one more dose

I'm travelling from coast to coast

My theory isn't perfect but it's close

I'm almost there why should I care

My heart is hurting when I share

Someone open up Let it show

I thought about it and I brought it out

                                I'm motivated by the lack of doubt

I'm consecrated but I'm not devout

The mother, the father, the daughter

You don't form in the wet sand,

You don't form at all

Woah you don't form in the wet sand,

I do"

-Red Hot Chili Peppers, Wet Sand

zebras don't exactly change their stripes

"with every sun that sets, I am feeling more like a stranger on a foreign shore with an eroding beach disappearing from under me... i always fall in love with an open door

with a horizon on an endless sea as i look around at the ones who are standing right in front of me. "

 -Death Cab for Cutie, My Mirror Speaks

Turned onto this amazing blog by a sorority sister, I have been enthralled with this random stranger's journey.
I cannot help but feel envy as I search the pages of photos and stories nor can I ignore the similarity between myself and this person who I will never meet. My lust for travel cannot be matched, must less understood by a majority of the people that I know. But it goes beyond that. It's not exactly something I can describe with the limiting conventions of language. I stumbled upon a page asking, "How do we know when it's time to go home?" And for a solid hour or two, I pondered this exact question.
The concept of home, however strange with an ever-changing location and perhaps evolving definition.
Where is my home? Is that where I am, home? In a large suburban house full of nothing except junk, antiques, multiple china patterns, stuff and lurking memories around every corner of tears, drunken escapades, hugs, conversations lasting until after sunrise, nights spent sound asleep and nights spent tossing and turning without sleep at all.
Surely, I am still in search of home. I could find and make home out of anywhere. Home is where the heart is and my heart is fractions across the entire world. Part of it is in Vienna. Part of it is in California. Part of it in Alabama. Part of it has to be saved for wherever I end up in the future. Won't where I attend law school, where I practice law, where I work, where I raise a family all be considered, "home"?
Or maybe, I am just confused and little do I know that my suitcase heart is just a girl waiting on a slow-pony home? Back to here.
It is my intention to spend the next year answering this question. When it is time to go home versus when you cannot take it with you. Although, I liked one response that said something along the lines of, it is time to go home when you are more inspired and thrilled at the thought of comfort and stability than of the next adventure or new experience. Will that sentiment ever fill my body? Certainly, at this moment, the opposite is true. And I suppose that is why I am on the front-end of a year of travel instead of on the other end.

As the day of my departure back to a country where I believe I left a small portion of my heart encroaches, more and more people are asking, "what are you afraid of?" or "are you starting to freak out?"
I could not answer it better than my new best friend, Daniel elegantly expressed here.
My favorite part highlighted in blue and Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V'ed below:

“Daniel, I’m so excited to see where you will go and who you’ll meet and what you will eat. But to be honest, I’m also really curious to hear about your fears. I want to know what they are and how you’ll navigate them.”

When it comes to questions posed to me about my trip, the popular inquiry is about my destinations or my trajectory, which makes perfect sense considering a travel-based project such as mine. But for Ashley, as she admittedly jostles with her own big life decisions, she simply wants a reference point from someone else who is in the flux of reconfiguring life.

                                                                             How does one deal with the fear of change?

There shall be no shame in asking this question.

he goes onto say this: 

There are certain fears that one might infer when pondering the idea of long-term international travel. Many of these fears I recognize, but for one reason or another do not resonate on any sort of debilitating level. For instance, I’m not specifically afraid of being lonely, for loneliness has been present when I was not traveling. I’m not afraid of having my camera or computer or personal items stolen, I have mentally prepared myself for this to occur at some point during the journey. I’m not afraid of being hungry or without shelter, as I have a general faith that my fellow humans will provide for me at my most vulnerable moments. I’m not afraid of being hijacked and murdered by disgruntled Columbian terrorists because, well, I’m not planning on going to Columbia. I generally believe that anything tragic that could happen to me on the road could also happen to me (in some form or another) crossing the street in my hometown.

So what are the fears?

My greatest concerns revolve more around what will happen to me after my travels. These fears are most relatable, I feel. Such as, how will I financially support myself in the future? Who will take care of me if I become permanently ill? Will I ever reestablish the wonderful and illusive trifecta of employment, apartment and friends I had somehow been fortunate to obtain in Montreal before leaving? How do I deal with all the unknowns of life?

I guess what I’m arriving to is the idea that travel is not that scary. But life is.

And if I am forced to really focus on travel-related fears, I suppose there is one great concern. It reads like this: In the “me-centric” pursuit of this dream, I fear the dynamics of my relationships with family and friends will change. I’m afraid that this absence is asking too much from them. 

then, he ends with this:

So, I move forward. Putting relationships to the test. Prioritizing “individual” over “community.” Wondering who will still be cheering me on after this journey. Breaking my mother’s heart, once again. Feeling intuitively guided, and making few apologies for my decisions.

And in my moments of self-doubt and wondering if I’m making the right life decisions, it helps to bring out the old “scale of life.” Each time I balance the concerns of leaving versus the potential personal profits, when I weigh the prospective gains against the conceivable costs, the scale keeps pointing to a simple (minimally fear-laced) sentiment:

Go. For. It.

and excitedly, this marks the end of my alphabet challenge. in case you missed it, the last 27 posts have begun with a letter of the alphabet starting with A and ending with this one, Z. it was not an easy task, but it was done. 

regular tourist

i pledge to journal more religiously and to journal especially religiously while i am going through large life transitions. like anytime that i ever revisit my journals, i notice how much is missing and how amazing it is to reread my feelings and thoughts and how far i have come since that moment. after a three hour search party scouring my entire house, i managed to find the two small journals that hold in its pages the stories from my wonderful summer in Spain last year. it's a cool feeling to ask if I will ever see some of those people again and to wonder when I will be back in Spain. it's amazing how it's all come together so gloriously.
i have enjoyed having this blog, but nothing compares to the chronicles of my mistakes, feelings, happenings, choices, contemplations and everything in between. since i journaled for almost 2 hours tonight and finished the journal given to me by a dear friend that I started in April when days were chalk-full of uncertainty, doubt, confusion and insanity, it only seemed appropriate to have a journal-centered post.
writing is so therapeutic. if you don't believe me, you should try it. then you can tell me i am wrong. like every other woman, i love being told that i am wrong. kidding. but seriously, i'd be shocked if you tried it and you didn't agree. consider this a free therapy session where writing for 30 minutes straight is your first homework assignment.

on the front of the second journal is this quote and it will again be relevant on my upcoming extended European journey that can't seem to get here fast enough.

"This European air, it always warms my face.

I will bring you stories and bleary-eyed photos like a regular tourist. 

We don't go breaking down. 

I feel like nothing ever will.

And we'll embrace our time away."

-Athlete, Tourist

maybe you'll dance the funky chicken at your 75th wedding anniversary

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by

scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable

than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not

understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as

effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing

bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that

never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm

on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with

people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy;

Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe

you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…

Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the

people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few, you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths; prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

-Mary Schmich, a columnist with the Chicago Tribune, 1977

Watch Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Double vodka sprite with not one, but TWO limes

first to 20. Spain versus US
I think it's brilliant to have the light switch on the outside of the door so that when you actually get into the room, the light is on. (1 for Spain)
Elevators do not need to be nearly as huge as they are in the US. (1 for Spain)
I am legitimately concerned about how I am going to live without sweet tea, peanut butter, Chic-Fil-A and queso.  (4 for US)
I enjoy enjoying my meal without the waiter berating me about getting the hell out of the restaurant. (1 for Spain)
Air-conditioning should be the norm and not a privilege. Especially if its over 100 degrees outside. (2 for US)
Daily siestas are pretty sweet. (2 for Spain)
Slim likelihood of getting lime in my drink at a bar and 7 Up instead of Sprite means I might have to find a new drink of choice. Not cool. My double vodka sprite with two limes has gotten me through a lot of good nights. (4 for US)
Walking everyone and public transportation instead of driving. (3 for Spain)
That stupid square comforter instead of "normal" bed linens- sheets and a comforter. (1 for US)
[Uh oh... US is kicking ass right now]
Night owl schedule- dinner at 9 then hit the bars. (1 for Spain)
The inability to get "late-night" ANYWHERE after 10 pm. (1 for US)
Croquettas, sangria, vino verano and healthy, organic, fresh food. Yummm. (3 for Spain)
The ground floor should be ZERO and not ONE. It really doesn't make much sense any other way. And every time I come home from Europe, I get confused. (1 for Spain)
Paying to use the toilet. (1 for US)
Football. Alabama football. (2 for US)
Spanish. (3 for Spain)
Pandora. (1 for US)
Hollywood and TV shows. (1 for US)
The ease of traveling to other top destinations and countries. Extra bonus for Ryan Air cause flights can be less than 10 Euros. (2 for Spain)

Final Score: 21--20
I will give you this confession: I am taking you with me where we can contemplate our chemistry. Your eyes are lined with questions.. I get the feeling we’re so misdirected, I get the feeling we have lost control. We are dropping out into the so unknown. -Jack's Mannequin  

what i believe is what i DO

the quote in my senior year book under my name is: "If you believe something passionately, people will follow you. People will follow you because they think you know something they don’t, some clue to the meaning of the universe. What I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do." -Donald Miller

Walking around Rome a few weeks ago, i was all the sudden caught in a gigantic gay pride parade. the energy, passion, excitement and raw conviction was contagious. It got me thinking about how many things I believe in would get me to join in a PARADE of thousands and thousands of people. So I added, "participate in a parade, rally or protest for something that I passionately believe in" to my bucket list. 

     I'm not saying that I want to make the news or a headline, necessarily. However, I think everything I believe in should be a belief strong enough to jump into a parade. I couldn't help but let deep reflection pass over me in a sea of people covered in rainbows, smiles, makeup, glitter and signs begging for change. I am guilty of being silent on many political things I believe. Most of my close friends are republicans. Politics rarely finds its place in 95% of my everyday conversations; it feels strange to even blog about this topic. I firmly, with all my being, believe that every single human on this earth should have rights. I don't think that those rights are limited to religious beliefs, personal preferences, sexual orientation or lifestyle choices. In fact, it would be my greatest career goal to devote my life to enforcing the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Sadly, since its creation in 1948, leaders and citizens of the world have done a very poor job of seeing this document bring about change across nations. Keeping the events of the Nazi-induced Holocaust in mind, there have been great steps in the new field of international law. Genocide, crimes against humanity, extreme discrimination and acts of injustice are in news headlines everyday. I urge you not to turn a blind eye to these occurrences, but instead stand vigilant. Inform yourself on these hot topic issues and take a stance. Don't take this post as me telling you what to believe, but instead of begging you to discover for yourself what that belief is. Believing alone is not sufficient. You must take that belief and DO something with it. Don't take the easy way out and say. "oh, I don't know how I feel about that." Don't take the other easy way out and say, "i agree" too quickly. 

    In a class I took last fall, we were discussing laws and social change. For simplicity purposes, I will use one analogy and let you create a list of others in your mind. Just a few decades ago, no one knew smoking cigarettes caused such grave effects to your health so smoking was allowed everyone and an activity engaged in by nearly everyone. Now we have laws against smoking indoors, specific "smoking" designations in places and new intensified warning labels (I think this is awesome by the way. Read up on it: here and flip through the ad photos HERE). I cannot honestly wrap my mind around living in a smoke-filled bubble with no knowledge of the consequences. It makes me wonder what legislation and scientific discoveries our children will grow up around. Will my daughter one day look me in the eye and ask what it was like when abortion was illegal or when the only people who were allowed to get married was a "man and wife"? Will she ask me why we thought that they shouldn't be entitled to the same rights as us? In the same way that I wondered after reading The Help, what made the white man think he was so superior? History is an odd thing. It builds upon itself. 

     I just realized that this is four blog posts I've been mentally writing for weeks all rolled into one, really intense post. I really think great changes will come in the near future for many political hot-topics. Inform yourself and do something with the knowledge that you gain. So that you can tell the next generation WHY you believed what you did and what you did to support that belief: either join the crowd or fight against it. 

hakuna matata, it's a wonderful phrase.

Since I left my sunglasses in the car, it got sunny. 
Eating dinner outside after a full jam packed day, I said, "wow, I'm so glad we had good weather today and that it didn't rain." literally, 30 seconds later, raindrops starting falling. 
The best thing about traveling, is that the most ordinary things can appear extraordinary. The things that you would find extremely frustrating in your own state, are viewed as an adventure in foreign lands. Yesterday, as dad was driving out of the parking deck, I seriously thought we were going to wreck at any second. An underground parking deck with a spiral exit when you're in a huge company stick-shift van is a frightening combination, trust me. Then we got to the exit and our ticket wouldn't work. I announced that if he intended on backing down that spiral we barely got up, I was not participating. It all proved to work out just fine though. 
I don't know when the last time was that you watched The Lion King, but tell me those 4 minutes didn't just brighten your day significantly!

In Ghent, Belgium last week, we parked somewhere and just winged it. We couldnt read the Flemish signs worth a damn, so we shrugged our shoulders and didnt let it stop us from seeing the city. Our van could have been impounded while we were in a museum. But the point is- it wasn't. After all, how true is it that most of the things you worry about NEVER happen?!

I need to take this lackadaisical attitude back with me. Life is an adventure. Take risks! Maximize time, resources and engergy. Don't sweat the small stuff. Do what you can now and save some things for later. I love the Rick Steve's phrase he puts in all his travel books, "Assume you will return." Its key to relaxing and ensuring that you breathe and enjoy what's in front of you. Yet, with that, comes responsibility of  capitalizing on opportunities at your disposal. There are thousands of thoughts worthy of filling your mind over worries about what other people think, do, what may or may not happen or what that sign says in that language you can't read.
There was no point in worrying whether or not we were ever going to get out of that parking deck. Bask in the present. It's going to work out. It almost always does somehow. 

Your English is good

I have been so incredibly blessed to have had the opportunity to travel all over the place. Until this trip, I have never really thought about whether or not all that would have been possible if I didn't speak English. I have been happy that I speak English for a long time. It's the dominant language. Additionally, it's impossible to learn.  In the years Americans spend taking English and perfecting the rules behind our native language, Europeans learn like four languages. Here are some facts about English you English speakers should know (from here). 

• English is the most widespread language in the world and is more widely spoken and written than any other language.
• Over 400 million people use the English vocabulary as a mother tongue, only surpassed in numbers, but not in distribution by speakers of the many varieties of Chinese.
• Over 700 million people, speak English, as a foreign language.
• Did you know that of all the world's languages (over 2,700) English is arguably the richest in vocabulary; and that the Oxford English Dictionary lists about 500,000 words, and there are a half-million technical and scientific terms still uncatalogued?
• Three-quarters of the world's mail, telexes and cables are in English.
• More than half of the world's technical and scientific periodicals are in English
• English is the medium for 80% of the information stored in the world's computers
• English is the language of navigation, aviation and of Christianity; it is the ecumenical language of the World Council of Churches
• English is the main language of the Internet. 
• Of the 163 member nations of the U.N., more use English as their official language than any other. The easiest way to calculate the economic influence of a language may be to add up the gross domestic products (GDP) of all the nations where it is spoken. People who count English as their mother tongue make up less than 10% of the world's population, but possess over 30% of the world's economic power.

Last week, I was sitting at the train station in Munich enjoying a nice little sandwich and Radler (beer with lemonade- worth a try! Perfect for a summer day) when I was approached by a nice business-looking man. He said to me, "your accent is very strange. Where are you from?" so I said Atlanta, the south of the United States and he seemed so genuinely amused. "a southern accent! I've never heard one. Wow. I like it." Then he went on to tell me that he taught English at a university nearby. I don't think I've ever brightened someone's day just by speaking English. It made my day. I don't even really have a southern accent." 
I spent three days in Koln (Cologne) and only ever heard English one time unless English was directly addressed to me. I was amazed at how stupid I felt trying to do things around town with a vocabulary of about fifteen German words total. But no matter where I have been in the last week, if I speak English, English is spoken back to me. Its incredible that we have this pull over the rest of the world. To where a waiter in Ghent, Belgium or Koln, Germany knows English just in case some stupid American tourist happens to sit down at their table. 

As arrogant as that can make us, I am deeply thankful for it. I think our language learning should be amped up significantly, but ill save that rant for another post. But if it wasn't for the rest of the world learning English, I'd be even more lost than I usually am. And I certainly wouldn't have gone so many places. So cheers to English ruling the world so I don't have to learn German. Be thankful that Your English Is Good!

the drifter and the gypsy

I can't wait to quench my wanderlust thirst and breathe European air in just a matter of hours. to hear the buzz of languages you don't speak behind you, to people watch, to walk by rows of duty free items, to panic that Delta lost your luggage AGAIN, to use the weird blanket that barely counts of a blanket at all, to walk all over til your feet are about to fall off, to being lost, to learning, to questioning, to reading, to eating like a queen and drinking like i weigh 250 pounds, to meeting people that have the potential to change my life. i am so ready for ALL of it.

The train is almost here

This decision seems so clear

I can feel the habit cutting like a knife

In the end I know that it is gonna drive right into me

Cause I’m a drifter and I know that doesn’t do me any good

Moving on from place to place, never staying where I should

I left him just to leave

No I left him cause he needed me...

Cause I’m a gypsy and I know that doesn’t do me any good

Moving on from place to place, stealing hearts just cause I could

-The Drifter and the Gypsy, Rosi Golan

So maybe I am a drifter and a gypsy. But I am ME. (Woah, Ashlee Simpson just got a shout out by accident. oops.) Traveling, exploring is exactly what I want to do. I love running. I am running for the thrill of it. but you know what? i am also dream chasing. in order to chase your dreams you have to start somewhere. you have to take a step. I get to run away from some big bull shit that's been going on here AND take a leap of faith that could turn out to cut down on the ambiguity of the next few years. Both. Running AWAY and running TO. Oh hey, what i am about to be doing, walking on a dream. and I'm just in awe of what's in front of me. how could you not be?

Walking on a dream

How can I explain?

Talking to myself

Will I see again?

We are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it

Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it

On and on and on we are calling out and out again

Never looking down 

I'm just in awe of what's in front of me

Living in a rhythm where the minutes working overtime

Don't stop just keep going on...

-Walking on a Dream, Empire of the Sun

no place in mind, we shall arrive

Today, one of my professors said to a large group of seniors and freshman, "Don't worry about where you're going, because you don't even know." I thought to myself, wow, that's really inspirational. Then I thought, wait a minute. That scares the SHIT out of me. So I dont know where i am going. But that's okay. Because, with no where in mind, we shall arrive. and look up Joey Ryan because he is great. I'm convicted that from my small corner of the world I should shamelessly promote singer songwriters that deserve the spotlight. 

i left you to your own devices with failures weighing on your mind.

like a seed denied the water needed, you're wilted now, all but defeated.

worry not you told me, but i've seen unfold this story. 

strong and steady be your will, leaves your battered body cold and still. 

and i know, you know you need me now. my hand is soft and strong held out for yours to grasp it firm and scream you'll never let it go.

up the asphalt, back in time, no place in mind, we shall arrive.

its better to be on your way than sit and stay and melt away.

and i know, you know you need me now. 

my hand is soft and strong held out for yours to grasp it firm and scream that you'll never let it go. 

listen, i know you know that all along you're scared to hit the end head on.

 so place your weary hand in mine and don't you ever let it go.

cause even as your path may wind, keep me always on your mind.

open ward your heart to me, be not the door that has no key. 

make it good your chance at life, no where in mind, we shall arrive.

-Joey Ryan, We Shall Arrive

To the next person that asks, this is my public proclamation and warning, "What are you doing after graduation?" you WILL be slapped. so just, don't ask. i get very cranky almost instantaneously at such questions. and i might respond with, "i'm sorry, did you plan to be overweight and working at the student health center that is a complete joke of a medical facility at Alabama when you were 22? oh, you didn't? so, how the hell should I know?" thanks. 

so let the wind blow us to wherever it says we are suppose to go

Quito, Ecuador

Bocas del Toro, Panama

Cozumel, Mexico

Lagos, Portugal

Chefchaouen, Morocco

Travel is an intensified feeling—maximum thrills per minute and one of the last great sources of legal adventure. Travel is freedom. It’s recess and we need it… Connecting with people carbonates your experience. Extroverts have more fun. If your trip is low on magic moments, kick yourself and make things happen. If you don’t enjoy a place, maybe you don’t know enough about it.  Seek the truth. Recognize tourist traps. Give the culture the benefit of your open mind. See things as different, but not better or worse. Any culture has plenty to share. Of course, travel, like the world, is a series of hills and valleys. Be fanatically positive and militantly optimistic. If something’s not to your liking, change your liking. Travel can make you a happier American, as well as a citizen of the world. Our Earth is home to six and a half billion equally precious people. It’s humbling to travel and find that other people don’t have the “American Dream”—they have their own dreams. Europeans like us, but with all due respect, they wouldn’t trade passports. Thoughtful travel engages us with the world. In tough economic times, it reminds us what is truly important. By broadening perspectives, travel teaches new ways to measure quality of life. Globetrotting destroys ethnocentricity, helping us understand and appreciate other cultures. Rather than fear the diversity on this planet, celebrate it. Among your most prized souvenirs will be the strands of different cultures you choose to knit into your own character. The world is a cultural yarn shop, and Back Door travelers are weaving the tapestry. Join in! –Rick Steves, Europe Through the Back Door

Kiev, Ukraine

Venice, Italy

Bavaria, Germany (Neuschwanstein)

Innsbruck, Austria

Zurich, Switzerland

Toledo, Spain

"I wait for something under a streetlight. It won't be long because it's dark, it's cold, it's one of those nights where something out there keeps me alive. But I don't know where to go. So I think I'll sit and stay here a while til I figure it out. So, let the wind blow us to wherever it says we are suppose to go. 

When you WANT something but can't name it.. it's something you've never seen before- OPEN THE DOOR! It's something you've always been afraid of.. and now all you want is more." -Joshua Radin

"With every sun that sets, I am feeling more like a stranger on a foreign shore with an eroding beach disappearing from underneath. 'Cause I'm a man that hides from all that binds in a mess of fading lines. I always fall in love with an open door with a horizon on an endless shore as I look around at the ones standing right in front of me. And then my mirror speaks with irreverence like a soldier I can't command that sees a frightened child in the body of a full grown man." -Death Cab For Cutie